Duality in June

For me May was almost everything I wanted it to be. I got nothing really done about the site or anything of the sort, but I ate too much, came too much, slept too much, traveled too much, and enjoyed myself a lot. On the negative side, I was lax with the slave because I was so focused on me, and it showed through some of him behaviors and the punishments he received (and, to be frank, some of the punishments he didn’t receive but should have). It was a lazy month, and I am glad I had it, because it looks like June will be busy.

Looking back at my music posts I see three posts that I scheduled never went through. I am backdating two of them and saving the third for later, as I want to review the song a bit more than I initially did, as it is actually two renditions of the same song. That will be the theme for this month, the month of duality, in honor of my Mother who is a Gemini.

So, this month I will be writing about things with dual themes. Aside from that music post I also plan to post a review for some D/s stuff from my perspective and my slave’s perspective, as I think that would be useful for my little slave-readers, and a couple more. I also intend to focus on quality more than quantity, as I sometimes rush myself to post something that I’m not entirely happy with. This month I only expect to write three original posts for the blog for my four posts of the month, which will allow me some time to hopefully edit some drafts to my satisfaction, which may be added as bonuses.

On the topic of drafts, I am currently typing on my backup travel computer, my mini-notebook, as my usual laptop suffered a virus last month and is stuck on the BSoD. I don’t have access to old files right now, as my backups are at my “other” house on my desktop, in another state. Everything I was working on came screeching to a halt as a result, but I didn’t feel like going through the headache of fixing it, as I was enjoying my laziness. I plan on fixing the laptop this week, however. I may also be settled (finally) in another state, as my slave may have gotten a job he recently interviewed for, which will certainly be a great thing, while also making June a month with a lot going on in my life, so, fair warning.

In May, on Memorial Day, as I always I thought of all the “soldiers” we’ve lost who fought many of the battles that needed to be fought. I am and believe in many things, and therefore I had a lot to think about and a lot of lives to appreciate. As always, Malcolm X is one person whose life I think of constantly in May, and particularly on Memorial Day, as his birthday was May 19. I have been thinking I may add a post about him this month, as the man who assassinated him was recently released after serving a 44 year sentence. It’s an interesting topic, and I may or may not be ready to write about it emotionally.

Memorial Day is a great “holiday,” in my opinion, as it has its wider meaning of “in memoriam” and how it is celebrated, particularly the grilling, reminds me of sending burnt offers to ancient Gods and Goddesses. I consider my personal ones during that time, and my slave sent up burnt offerings of his own to me by way of the grill and some overcooked chicken he was so excited to prepare, without recognizing his own limitations with the grill…But, I appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

Slave Nutrition Basics: Recipe

As I was preparing my slave’s meal for the next few days (the poor thing ate only peanuts yesterday due to a particularly grueling day of service and the fact that I forgot to feed him) I figured I might as well post a recipe and picture of a good slave staple, in my opinion. Unfortunately, the camera on my phone is not a great one but I attempted to tweak it a bit. Inexplicably it appears that some of the beans in the pot are green to my eyes, but they’re not. The next time I will turn on a light instead of natural light.

This is a great lunch and dinner meal and it’s basic enough for the most budget-conscious Domme who believes in simplicity for her slave/s. I am a major lover of the slow-cooker, Crock Pot method of cooking, especially for slave diets. On a personal level, this style of cooking just makes me think of childhood and slower, simpler times, and it’s obviously a great time saver while being the antithesis, in many ways, of the microwave dinner ideal.

It should come as no surprise, then, that I own many different styles and brands of slow cookers. The one in this picture is great for a slave. I bought this last Black Friday for $3 on some sort of door-buster deal. They had a million of them and I should have bought more as they’d make great gifts…I’m rambling. Anyway, the slow-cooker holds 2 quarts of food, which is eight cups. Depending on the slave’s diet, that can be eight or four servings – I think any more is overfeeding.

The recipe - if one can call it that - is:
¾ cup brown rice
1 cup great northern white beans
1 chicken bullion cube (no MSG) –optional-
enough water to cover

To make this, simply add the beans and about 3 cups of hot water to the pot and let cook for 3-4 hours on low. This kind of bean will say soak overnight on the package, but ignore that. After the beans have cooked that long add the bullion cube to a cup of hot or boiling water and let dissolve and add to the pot. Then add your rice and enough hot water to fill the cooker. Let it cook for another 3-4 hours and check tenderness. If the rice is still starchy put the heat up to high for another hour or so. You can also cook it for about half the time on high the whole way through, but check often after the rice has been added because the rice will absorb the water and more may need to be added.

Of course, you can add whatever seasonings or take out the bullion cube entirely to keep it bland. Conversely, this makes a good side dish for a Mistress with a few add-ins; like homemade chicken stock instead of bullion perhaps, and some Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top before serving, if you’d like.
The bullion cubes are $1 for 25, the rice $0.89/lb, and the beans are about $0.79/lb. For this meal that’s right around $0.80 and you get at most 8 servings: $0.10/serving, not bad at all.

It has the benefit of being pretty bland visually, as evidenced in the picture, which I believe is a good way to reinforce a slave’s position. For those slaves with a dog bowl and no utensils, this makes a great mush if cooked long enough, and could be blended for a nice gruel, if one was so inclined. The rice is about 170 calories per serving, the bullion is 5, and the beans are 150. If your slave is very active and this is to be one or two meals out of three, definitely go ahead and make two cups a serving, and this will be about 1300 calories out of their daily caloric count, or mix it up however you’d like.

Gird your loins.

All about Emme P2

Here is another of the questions I am asked some variation of pretty often. People stubbornly believe that I hate men, inexplicably.

Q: Do you hate men?

A: I am always a bit shocked by this question, as I actually love men quite a bit. I understand how some have that perception based on the lifestyle itself, but I find in jarring when someone in the lifestyle asks me such a thing. Yet, I suppose believing female supremacy and/or actual enslavement of men, as opposed to simple domination are reasons why I may be mistaken for a man-hater. I assure you, in some ways, I like men more than women.

That said, I like men who exhibit what I believe to be the natural state of manhood, which is submission. What I don’t like is patriarchal societies or world views in which men are supposed to be the “heads of households” and women are the submissive figures. These sorts of views miss the point, in my opinion, which is that men want to submit to and care for women. Physical prowess has nothing to do with the mental capacity for submission, and in fact, it makes sense that the two would be natural sides of the same coin.

Look at the animal kingdom. Lions, considered the basis for human male theories on patriarchal societies really consist of the male lion, surrounded by females who hunt and gather. Male lions do not hunt unless they have to. Match that to the concept of the human male and the similarity is not in the gendered role but in the service; which of the sexes is known as the “hunter-gatherer”?

Of course, neither cooks the meals in the lion’s pride, and women, it is classically known, are the cooks and preparers of the human family. Food preparation is a signifier of submission for us, it seems. Now – quick - name five well-known chefs. How many were male and how many were female? Rachel Ray doesn’t count – she is not a chef. Julia Child is acceptable, however. Now, if you’re a television watcher, think of the last winners of any cooking shows you’ve seen or heard of. How many were women?

Even the “emotional” concept of women isn’t validated in research, as studies have shown that women choose men methodically and by virtue of traits that will make them good caregiver-providers, while men make highly emotional decisions when choosing a mate. What women do exhibit in terms of emotion, is a wider range of emotions that they can typify, express, and identify in others. This is commonly referred to as “emotional intelligence” and is a useful tool, believe me, when it comes to monitoring and training a slave.

In short, while I don’t hate men, it bothers me to see their talents wasted and to see them in positions that deep down they know they are not capable of or even desirous of. I believe the ethnocentric ideals of the white male were born out of inferiority-feelings, and they have only negative outcomes. The only solution is a form of extremism that matches the extremism of the patriarchal fallacy, and that is simple Female Supremacy. We shouldn’t have to remind men that we are superior, but we will until it is as deep-seated as the bullshit they profess to believe now.

The males I take into slavery and/or training are males who show potential and a desire to be their true selves. It is an honor to serve a woman, not a punishment, and as such, I would never take on a slave I hated. Each man that is broken into a beautifully submissive slave becomes a beacon for man in his truest sense; a man who uses his talents for the greater good and enjoys his service and is entirely confident in his “manhood” because he knows what the word means.

Qs in April

I am excited about April! For no real reason except I am looking forward to warmth and seasonal things, like the change in my diet (to cold foods) and breaking out dresses and sandals. I am also going to be less busy this month than I was in March and I am looking forward to focusing on the blog, getting the site up to standards, and maybe even actually airing a radio show episode. Of course, I may not get the last two done, but it is good to have goals (smile).

I have to thank you guys for keeping me focused on the blog, and it will certainly continue, even if I miss a post here and there. Sometimes I do get burned out because I have nothing particular on my mind, but that won't be a problem this month. Because, this month I am focusing on answering questions that I have neglected for so long. I will also be accepting new questions at questions@GoddessEmme.com, though obviously I probably won't get to all of them. I am excited about this because I have been procrastinating for so long about it and it will be a great way to give myself some time to get new topics planned and some even written.

And, since this month is all about answering questions, I figured I would answer “when is the site/radio show going to be up?” as it is one I get often. And there is a lot to look forward to.

The Website

I am really excited about what I have planned for the site, but I had to check the legality of a few things and also ensure it would not be considered a “porn site” as many rules, regulations, and fees apply. I have the greenlight on almost everything but I decided to change the design and the program I used to create the draft.
Therefore I have a bit more work to do.

But, the site will have an online store to buy things for you and to tribute me. That will be the “basic” store, but there will be the “kink” store too, which will specialize in Goddess Emme-based products (smile) and will be for my truest acolytes, not the casual reader of this blog. There are some legal gray areas still, but I am working on getting the last few clarified.

There will be a media page, which will have direct access to the radio show, some “clip 4 sale” clips (in time, as they are semi-low priority), and some various programs that I find useful. This page will also have a link to my direct-connect phone line, which is like phone sex but is different (more on that later). I may add some pictures there too, just for the hell of it.

And a forum, of course, because I love forums. It took me a while to find a forum developer that I really liked and had enough options that I felt were necessary while being free, and I finally found one. It seems pretty good and will allow unique names, passwords, and some control on the admin side for content.

I’m considering giving my slave a blog on the site too. I know he needs some
writing-based service and I think he often feels very cloistered, and he is, underneath me and a community to take part in and blog/diary would be good for him.

Then a punishments page for everyone to make fun of those who need the humiliation after disappointing me; I will enjoy that. Also a page with applications for my professional services, real enslavement, and a few other things. Plus a few basic pages and two surprise pages that I won’t get into now. It should be good though, and whenever it is finished you are all expected to visit and such.

The Radio Show

Initially I had a “sidekick” who I dismissed after he annoyed me one too many times. Since then I have been sort of bored with the concept. I kept getting suggestions about having a “contest” but no one could tell me what on earth the contest was to be about. They just knew I should give away something (used panties came up a lot). While I don’t have any outright objections to the prize, I do need a topic for the contest, but we’ll see.

I really like the idea of an advice line sort of thing, but it will take quite a while to get enough people to make that viable. Of course, the topics would have to be on the topics of BFS and D/s. It will definitely be a call-in though. And maybe I’ll quiz a few callers who claim to be acolytes and see if they know their stuff, and give prizes if they do.

The Direct Line

Take the idea of “phone sex” take out the “sex,” and add “worship,” throw in some BDSM and a heavy dose of BFS and there you have it. Actually, the phone line will serve a variety of purposes. The first will be yet another way to tribute that is simple and effective, the second is for slaves and subs who want to speak to me directly (for a fee), and the third will be for those who want a dose of kink, by listening to real sessions, either existing ones or something they are interested in. It will be voyeuristic as I will not be speaking to them (though I will be on the phone) but they can put themselves in the position of my slave or whatever sub I am training. These sessions will likely be video recorded and available through the clips for sale area for after-phone pleasure.

The session work will be arranged in advance and paid for (through an existing service and site) before the actual sessions. The same is true for tributes. For subs who just want to talk, however, they will be able to almost 24/7 but at varying charges depending upon the time of day. This will be a per-minute fee and they will know what it costs prior to actually beginning the call, though a price schedule will also be scheduled somewhere. I will also be able to give people free minutes as I see fit and charge whatever I want per sub, which will be great for punishments.

This is separate from the call-in number for the radio show, as the radio show uses regular telephones with no fees, except any toll charges for those outside of the New York (I think, I have to recheck) calling area. Call from your cell.

The Book

I really want to write about something, I just don’t know what. I want to do some essays, D/s “self help,” and even fiction perhaps. It may not come to fruition, but I will simply self-publish if I do. Of course, anything I do will be made available on the website.

And a Few Other Things

I have a few ideas I am developing with others and a couple I am looking into on my own. We shall see what happens, but it’s good and you’ll like it!

That’s it!

It’s a lot, and most of it is profit-based. Though the website will be free, of course, it will hopefully encourage people to buy something from either tier. The radio show is free as well, but it has a tiny bit of profit potential through ad space. Everything else I discussed will cost you. The blog will always be free, however, as will the yahoo group (when it is re-launched).

Of course, we’ll see how much I commit to anyway. The great thing about this blog is that it’s something I can do at my leisure. I hate that the radio show locks me in at a certain time. It could all be wishful thinking as I am a spoiled, impatient Domme, but we shall see.

Leashes and collars and stretchers, oh my!

Lately I’ve been buying a lot of D/s gear. Of course, fetish stuff is never cheap, and that generally feels right somehow. It’s such a niche that it makes sense that some of the BDSM-specific toys would be pricey. Even if you look at an actual sex toy store versus a fetish store, the fetish store is always pretty expensive. I do what I can to cut down prices on some of the not-so-specific items, especially dildos and whatnot, and generally just accept that the must-haves are almost luxury items.

That said, I have found that if I spend too much time buying fetish stuff from fetish stores I generally lose sight of my “bargain hunter” side and end up wanting the whole set of something unnecessary or wanting an item that I could get almost anywhere but the fetish shop’s version looks better than whatever I would find elsewhere. A great example of this is a simple enema bag. An enema bag can be bought anywhere, pretty much dirt cheap, with all of the great nozzles and uses. Fetish websites have enema bags that cost way over $50, and have the same nozzles or fewer, but they are black and shiny and much easier on the eyes and the sensibilities than one that reminds you of a nursing home.

Sure, a pro Domme can buy the best everything, because they are paid well to create the fantasy and they’re all write-offs anyway. For the lifestyle Domme, in a recession no less, sometimes you have to think a bit smarter, or at least consider your bottom line. It becomes important to ask yourself what is most important and then decide what you can scrimp on.

Personally, I think crops, whips, and paddles should all be the top priority, in terms of expense, as the quality of these items matters. I am a crop fanatic and canes are my runner-up, so I use them often. I prefer buying crops (and whips and floggers, I suppose) from horse stores. They aren’t necessarily more expensive than what you would find in a fetish shop anyway, but they are almost always better-made. I tend to find bamboo canes everywhere. At the farmer’s market, for example, there are stalls for people selling bits of this and that, and I find bamboo walking canes and sticks often. I’m also a fan of a sub getting a switch off of a tree, when necessary, however, so I don’t buy canes as much, though I have broken many. Wooden back-scratchers are good when you don't have a cane handy.

Collars, leashes, and stretchers, however, are the kinds of things that are used
every day but are not really hard-use items. While you may spank someone with a leash if it’s handy, you aren’t doing much else except pulling it or tying it to something. And yet, these three items are some of the most expensive when it comes to their actual value, cost to make, and markup. Why? Because they’re cheaply made, sold widely, but a few embellishments can make a lot of visual difference even if the product is the same.

I must ask, are ball stretchers even necessary as a product? I can think of a million things that can stretch balls for under a dollar or two (if that). But when I see a pretty ball stretcher and the cute weights I always want one. And then I want another one, and so on. Collars are similar. I can buy a million collars and always want another one, because there are so many options, and, I tell myself, so many reasons why I should have every one. In reality, a sub probably needs two and maybe three to four for the sake of having a few options. The outside collar is of course essential, as it needs to be something that can be discreet if it is required, and one for home. A Domme may choose to have one for parties or something “formal” and maybe one more that is good for some other purpose. Some may not need to lock but some should.

Leashes become a matter of being part of a combo/leash set, complementing the collars, or at least being easy on the eyes. So we want the leather or leather-look, or some nice thick chain, or whatever floats our boats. But it gets expensive! Even if you buy the collar/leash combo from pet stores they can still get expensive…as can dog bowls and whatever other things that can be purchased from pet stores, which are of course specialty stores. And sure you can go to Wal-mart or the equivalent, but you normally find the most plain, general purpose bowls and leashes there.

Last week I thought to myself, “the Dollar Store!” and headed to my local Dollar Tree store. And I loved it. I bought a large porcelain dog bowl with a really cute pattern, several leashes, a bunch of locks, and all sorts of “general purpose” stuff that I know I can use in creative ways. Oh, and I bought several collars. Though they were all nylon (like the leashes), some had studs and some had rhinestones, others had interesting patterns, and even others had simple words stamped on them that were much better suited for D/s than real animals (my favorite being a plain black collar with “DOG” plainly printed in white).

The collars came in thin widths and wide widths, and were also different lengths. The shorter lengths with wide widths could be nice for ball stretchers, with the added benefit of having the loop for leash attachment. Many of the collars had leashes that matched them perfectly but were not a set. At $2, who cared? Of course, the quality of the collars weren’t great. I can see that some of the thin ones had short life spans if used for their intended purposes, but some of them looked like chokers, which made them good contenders for outside-use collars.

Now, most of these collars came with the closures that are similar to backpack strap closures, the ones where you squeeze the sides to remove one side from the other (that description sucks, yes, but I’ve been typing for a while now – deal with it). I looked at them hard, however, and I think I can remove those plastic parts and add the right hardware to make them lockable…and did I mention I bought a bunch of locks from there too? There were Velcro ones, too, and those made me think “ball stretchers” even more.

On the topic of ball stretchers and still in the spirit of do-it-yourself (or have a sub do it), I’ve been thinking about ball stretchers that please the eyes and are still dirt cheap. I’ve considered knitting some and/or weaving a few. A good, durable yarn and tight knit and/or weave could also hold a few metal loops for locks and/or leashes. I will probably break out the yarn and needles this week and see if I can make something I like. I may also take pictures of the bounty I bought at the dollar store, and whatever I come up with for stretchers. I spent around $20 in the dollar store, by the way, and spent $40 on one collar, one collar/leash combo, and some anal beads a couple of weeks ago.

Will I stop going on sprees, especially for my favorite items? No. But I will be more creative with those things that are not as personally important but I use often. Who doesn't love a deal?

Context Matters

Today I was accused of being male by an online sub for the very first time and it bothered me greatly. Not so much being called a male, because I think Domme Women deal with that from time to time, but primarily because I apparently "type like a man," which made me think of what he could possibly mean and the difference between males and Females in how we communicate.

First, I will explain the circumstances. I have found that online I appear too "nice" which leads some to believe I am looking for a lapdog. In fact, I am quite sadistic and very kinky but I don't wear it on my sleeve, per se, as I have always been that way so it's nothing to shout about. In speaking with me in real time, I think many subs become hurt that I am not as sweet as they expected. In this case, I was in a very mellow mood and a bit stir-crazy from being trapped in the house for days on end due to the snow. I wanted to enjoy a leisurely chat about nothing in particular because I had spent so much time thinking and typing for this blog and other things. I wanted to get off of theory and back to my own reality.

So, this sub and I began a discussion which led to upsets via online "meetings" and we both shared a few horror stories. While I had varying kinds, his seemed to all be of the "and then I found out 'she' was a guy" variety, which seemed a bit odd but I have never really asked a sub about such things and it sounded likely. The conversation went to him discussing how he could tell a Domme was a guy, based on certain criteria that included how kinky "she" was. That made me think about how I seem outside of actual conversation and I described how I tended to appear more "ladylike" until one really got to know me and how - I believe I used the term "depraved" - I can be. From there we naturally started discussing the kinkiest things we did and I guess mine trumped his, in retrospect.

Now, by this time we'd discussed all sorts of things, from our educations, political beliefs, future plans, etc and I was quite comfortable with telling him something I consider private as I did. And the conversation went on, even though he was pretty caught up in the "wow" factor of my tale, which to me didn't seem that insane. Actually, it involved nothing that could make someone sick, physically hurt, and it was perfectly legal. I found his reaction to be a bit strong but he self-identified as a sub and likely more spanking-based or something.

Near the end of the conversation, now after six in the morning, he asked about the "next step," which suggested that our conversation went well. I told him, as always, that we would have another chat to see if he was consistent in how he behaved in that chat, which I enjoyed. I do that because, as he illustrated today, subs can be quite selfish and spoiled and can change their behavior abruptly as they feel they do not get what they want. And the system works, lol.

I didn't chat with him again until today and he brought up the whole scenario we'd discussed before and began his diatribe by saying he didn't believe it, which pissed me off. After a back-and-forth over it, in which he attempted to backpedal, I told him to go away, as I do when someone shows their true colors in such a manner. And that is when he decided to tell me I was male. It was obvious that he wanted to get a dig in, but I do believe that he used the "must be a man" defense whenever someone dismissed him or didn't fix into his stereotypical mold. One of his reasons, as I explained before, was that I "typed" like a man. Thinking of our initial conversation, context came to mind.

Here is a portion of that original conversation:

Black(5:48 AM): anyway, I will give you one thing that someone told me was pretty disgusting
Black(5:48 AM): which I found rather tame
Black(5:49 AM): I had an older guy sub who I only fed_____________. I only had him for a week though
Black(5:49 AM): he didn't find it disgusting, someone else did
Black(5:49 AM): he loved it, actually, lol
jacksubjones(5:49 AM): you did that!!!!!!!!
jacksubjones(5:50 AM): how did he eat _________________? how did it get int there. i'm trying to picure the mechanics
Black(5:50 AM): yes but this was a sixty-something guy who was so used up that I had to find creative things for him to do
Black(5:52 AM): I would have another sub put the______________________________ and in a couple of hours I would get on my back, have him on his knees, and take the plug out. or I would sit on his face
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): OMG
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): that's so fucking out there
Black(5:52 AM): I thought it rather ingenious, myself, lol
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): i'm amazed on so many levels
jacksubjones(5:53 AM): i'm having a hard time understanding why you would want to be with such a wasted old man to begin with

Now, many of you will fill in the blanks, as it's not so hard to figure out. Granted, he seemed genuinely shocked, but look at the context. A man wants/gives details about such things to get off and a Woman simply shares a story. Also, everyone knows how I feel about older men who have been so used up and worked so admirably for their Dommes only to be traded in for a new model when they are too old to be attractive. Indeed, I take it as almost a duty to give them a bit of happiness when I meet a very good one, though it is often unrealistic to keep them forever as they can be too deeply programmed to their former Mistress' tastes.

So, for those of you who worry about if Dommes are men or not, I say to look at context. A dominant Woman is very different from an aggressive, likely masturbating, "dude" and understanding those - perhaps - small differences, though the above - in my opinion - would have been so much more graphic had a man who was trying to find masturbation bait would have been...which is what they are looking for, I guess.

That's my rant of the week...hey, I like that! I may do one each week, now that I look at it.

Nice chair!

Objectification. Some are very afraid of this topic because it can go from basic (like a chair), to odd (like a trashcan), to potentially disgusting (like a toilet). Others only want to be one thing: a human sex toy. Unfortunately for those types, most Dommes need more than a dildo or gaped hole. This sort of work - on a slave’s behalf - really separates the part-timers from the life-timers, as being used as an object for any length of time requires real training. Imagine the 65 year old slave with a full-figured Domme who uses him as a chair while she eats. That is work that some would be yelling a safe word by minute two, but under its Mistress a slave finds purpose and peace.

A quick note on “toilets”: This post is not about toilet training. I will make it very clear, however, that if you have hard limits such as toilet-duty, you must ask any potential new owner to clarify if they say they are into objectification. Some Dommes will simply say they are looking for a toilet slaves, others - often on purpose - simply say they want objects so as not to scare away potentials. It is the responsibility of the slave to find these things out prior to being owned; I cannot stress that idea enough.

So why does a Domme need a chair or an ashtray or footstool? From day to day she probably doesn’t. What objectification highlights, as opposed to broad submission, is utility in a slave. Can it be part of a humiliation, degradation, or punishment training? Of course! But the slave is demonstrating that it is can be used in a variety of ways that are helpful and pleasing. I smoked for years and I could never stand seeing ashes curled up in an ashtray so having a slave to deposit them into was very useful. One of my favorite examples of objectification is actually on an episode of Arrested Development, in which the family matriarch uses her adopted prepubescent son as a purse because her outfit requires she go purse-less. That is a useful, novel, and simple way to be an object.

Chairs are perhaps the best example because they put a slave close to its source of greatest pleasure (the vagina and/or ass of its Domme) and is similar to queening so there is an obvious and comforting connection for both owner and slave. The slave can often “bear up” nicely because it is such a warm and delightful place to be. Toilet service, whether partial or full, can theoretically cause a similar sense of well-being in a slave with the addition to degradation, which can either heighten the experience for the slave or make what would otherwise be a wonderful experience a horrible one (which, frankly, is even better for some dear slaves).

Because this topic is a lengthy one and contains a lot of possibilities I am keeping it short as I may go deeper in depth with kinds of objects in future posts.

I am adding a picture to today’s post that I found at a site that a little sub with aspirations towards enslavement sent to me. The artist is Alex Chapmon and link to his work is here. It was the inspiration for today’s post. Enjoy.

The Basics.

There are many practices I believe are extremely important for the owned sub in order to grow and develop its potential. In order to paint with a broad brush I will outline some of them here:

1. Chastity

2. Cuckolding

3. Bisexuality

4. Body modification (to varying degrees)

5. Objectification

6. Caning/whipping

7. Torture/humiliation

8. CBT

9. Bondage

10. Ritual

These ten basics represent some of the foundations of a slave. Some of them, like numbers seven and eight, may appear to be very similar (as CBT is a form of torture) and others may seem to be specifics of larger listed themes (some would say cuckolding and forced bi are kinds of humiliation, for example), while some practices that some would consider “musts” are missing (cross-dressing or forced feminization) and some that I consider musts aren’t to others (rituals, for example). This should let you know that it is all relative.

If I had to pick five from the list that are 100% musts they would be numbers 1-3, 6, and 10. But it is very, very hard for me to pick just five. Potentials always want to know what is in store for them and this list is a good start. Of course there are other things a slave must learn to do that depend upon their use, like body worship, massage, anal training, etc (all of which I am wholeheartedly a proponent of), but that use really should come after an arduous training program that includes the practices listed.

And initial training programs are totally necessary. It takes time and focus to break a sub and “reprogram” it to be what it aspires to. Any good training program uses the above thoughtfully and with dedication, even if the sub is a lifetime slave with decades of experience. It simply has to be taught how to exist under its new conditions and for its new owners. Dommes who don’t methodically train their slaves really do them a disservice and sadly disregard the nature of the relationship and both parties: slaves WANT to submit and NEED proper training, just as Dommes need to know what they’re doing and what works.

Of course, my own training program is personal and wouldn’t necessarily be helpful for anyone other than me. That part of the discussion will happen at the group, for the “hardcore” followers and not the casual readers, as I don’t think it’s really good for un-owned slaves to believe they know what to expect from their training or use based on something that someone else does. It is up to the slave’s Domme and the sub must place its trust in her hands.

The list will be discussed one by one in upcoming posts, though in no particular order and not necessarily on a weekly basis as I have other topics to discuss. One of them, chastity, has already been covered. Some of the more taboo topics will be covered at the yahoo group as they are not for everyone. Indeed, the discussions on all topics will be discussed in a much more personal way, and I expect members to take part. For the casual reader, I assure you there will be more than enough information here.

Hey, it's Black History Month!

I love February. It is probably my most nostalgic month of the year. As a child, I hated Black History Month. Why? Because in school we had to learn about Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, and MLK for the millionth time. Not that I had any problem with either of them. Quite the opposite. What bothered me was the glossing-over of their stories, their struggles, and the struggle.

In my household, every month was Black History Month. I knew more than my teachers - no matter their race - about the topics they presented in crossword puzzles and stupid quizzes. Black History Month bothered me because it was basically pointless. You can belittle a person or idea that you may honestly mean to uplift if you aren't careful. I couldn't figure out then why they couldn't pick someone other than those three or someone in addition to those three - though they did in small doses. A little Shirley Chisholm would have been interesting, as far as "safe bets" went, I always thought.

As I aged and we were allowed to pick our own people to write about I enjoyed BHM a lot more. I loved to teach, even then, and so I picked interesting people with interesting stories. A lot of my teachers started out afraid that I would be "too radical" which was rather silly, in my opinion, but they soon learned that I had a real interest simply in showing different, dynamic people.

And so began my love affair with Black History Month. I realized then that I could use the month as a time to reflect, consider, and evolve in my own life. It became the start to my personal year and at this point in my life I don't really feel solidly like the new year has begun until 2/1. The silly McDonald's-sponsored Black History Month commercials and all don't even bother me anymore....well, at least not as much as they used to.

In February I always have my personal subs spend some time learning about one of my favorite "notable Black people," and they learn a lot and sometimes even teach me something new. I sometimes make them read one of my favorite books to complement the endeavor. I challenge you guys, the casual readers, to do something similar. Pick a "notable Black person" who you've wondered what all the fuss was about, and find out! Learn as much as you can about them and then answer the question: what was all the fuss about? Of course, you may not have a person who you've ever wondered such about. In that case, pick a "radical". You can never go wrong there. Look up Angela Davis or Assata Shakur or George Jackson or someone along those lines - and I am trying not put a whole list here - and really read their stories. See them as people and see what you think.

For those who are actually desire to be into BFS, however, this should be the start of a lifelong endeavor. All the best to you, either way.

It isn't supposed to be fun...(?)

Somewhere in my last post I typed the phrase "it isn't supposed to be fun" (or something like that) and I had a sub ask me today, "well if it's not supposed to be fun, what is the point of it all?"

Tonight I was working on something else entirely and that question popped up in my head again. At the time I simply responded "that depends upon the person, I suppose," which led other places, because it was the kind of question that takes so much to respond to any satisfying degree. And for some, it is supposed to be fun, but I have absolutely no desire to spend any time with those sorts.

In the first post on this blog I spoke of the difference between pro-Dommes and lifestyle Dommes. Paying submissives are paying for a fantasy and paying for "fun." Those types can have a session tailor-made for their own kinks or fetishes and after a good spanking or whatever it is they want - even if they want a Domme to go to work on them however she sees fit - they can go home satisfied while the Domme might have satisfied her own sadistic urges but she may have gotten nothing out of it at all except money. [Some submissives love to call pro-Dommes whores for that reason, which of course is flawed logic as what I described is "work" at its core. It would be the same to say a masseuse or barber was a whore...but I digress.] But that is the trade-off for paying subs and pro Dommes. Like being fed a cracker when one is starving, it will do for the moment but it's not really satisfying.

For lifestyle subs, particularly slaves, the dynamic is totally different. The lifestyle slave is drawn to and fed by a deep, lasting submission that is not fun but necessary. The biggest (perhaps only) punishment for this type is to not be able to serve someone in that manner. The true slave does not look for fun but knows that there is beauty in sacrifice, hard work, and dedication. Even when such a slave is unowned, the desire is still strong and palpable for them and they do things, even small things, to try and serve when needed.

And of course, this type is more attractive than anyone else to its counterpart, the lifestyle Domme. I talk a lot about "types" of slaves and submissives, because the reality is there are many and they are compatible with their dominant counterpart (like the person who loves to give physical pain is a good match for those who love to receive it), but the theoretical slave - and best slave - is clay waiting to be molded into whatever its Domme desires. For me, the temptation is there to take a pain slut and turn it into something else entirely just to teach it that its desires are not its own, but the reality is there are many theoretical slaves who in practice have limits that are make-or-break and those are often the ones who want it to be "fun;" however they define it.

I cannot verify this and I have no idea if it is true or not, but in conversation a sub once said that Black Dommes are more "spiritual" about the D/s dynamic and much less sexual than other Dommes, particularly white ones. This sub was upset about this because he was physically attracted to Black Dommes but didn't like how they downplayed the sexual side of D/s. As I laughed, another sub said that his attraction to Black Dommes was based on the fact that he was more ritual-based and believed in the deeper parts of the D/s dynamic and found that he complemented that ideology. This sub wanted more than just a slap, tickle, or fuck, he said. This sub wanted something he could drown in emotionally. So perhaps that is a notable difference about "types" as well.

I will not argue, obviously, that even my theoretical "perfect" slave has a selfish reason at the base for why they want to be enslaved. I do not believe in altruism, particularly in submissives. But, fun is fleeting and easy while things that take lifetimes to develop and dedicate to have moments of pure bliss but are not roundly fun. For a pianist the concert is probably great fun but the lifetime of learning to play the damned thing and get to that level then maintain it is arduous work that is full of challenges. But the pianist plays because she must, not because she likes it - even if sometimes she does.

Rejection sucks**

I was going to write about key-holding but decided to change it. I actually went through several other topics before I settled down on this one.

In the past 24 hours I have rejected three submissives for three different reasons and the three subs involved were at different points in their relationship with me. As I sat here staring at the other topics I had typed about for today’s post, I realized that my mind was on the nuances of rejection in the D/s relationship. The three subs in today’s experiences are good illustrations of some major themes in the discussion.

The first sub I rejected I had been in contact with for only a few weeks. I was wary of him as he had shown some obviously aggressive behaviors early on and I decided conclusively that he was not right today. The second sub was a much more submissive type in some ways, but he had the clear problem of fulfilling his assignments, if at all, much too late and too shoddily. The first sub generally fulfilled his assignments, but his assignments had a deeper meaning as tests, which he failed.

The third sub was one that I rejected a while ago for his extremely aggressive nature. This particular sub was quite pushy and was given clear boundaries that he broke immediately for the sake of his own self-interest. I rejected him in the sense that I told him, yet again, that I wanted nothing to do with him. In this instance he approached me as if for the first time, and it is possible that he believed it was, though he has used all sorts of tactics in the past.

I have to reject people pretty often, because it is my job as a Domme to be aware of what is best for me and any potential. Assuming that every online sub who contacts me is 100% sincere, it only makes sense that only a few would be actually compatible with me, and vice versa. Sometimes it is easy to spot a non-compatible sub: maybe they desire to be caged 24/7 or completely transformed into women, or have some other deep desire on which their submission is based that I am not into. But more often it is personality, beliefs, or something that takes time to correctly identify.

As such, I dedicate a lot of time to interviewing and testing potentials. It is extremely rare for anyone to get to the point of being actually owned by me as I am every bit as picky as I should be. And it is designed to be a lengthy and tiresome process, as slavery is not supposed to be “fun” and I am always happy when someone finally shows their true nature and can be rejected in good faith.

I do not reject people in anger, nor am I rude. I have no reason to be either. On the other hand, the vast majority of subs react in two basic ways. The first is to try very hard to convince me that they are indeed worthy. This can last for a short time, as it did for the second sub I discussed above, or be ongoing, as the third sub illustrates. More frequent, and often what occurs after a sub has tried to convince me otherwise, is blatant disrespect.

Some subs love to show their balls, so to speak, after being rejected by saying things meant to hurt. This is expected, especially from certain types, like the first sub I discussed. What they never seem to realize is a simple truth about Dommes: once we decide we don’t want someone, there is nothing they can do to be accepted back or to anger us. I actually allow subs to say whatever they want in order to deal with their anger and get over it at that point, just because it is better that way. Nothing one can say can actually anger me, instead they simply prove that I made the right decision.

This is not to say, however, that it is easy for me to reject potentials. In theory, I want to accept everyone and it would be great if everyone was my perfect match and could give me 110% of their devotion. But I make peace with my decision before I tell them that they are not what I need and vice versa, because I must be sure of my own decisions. I can understand the frustration a submissive feels at rejection and I get no joy out of it.

For the submissives who actually want to make a lasting impression, nothing tugs at a Domme's heart strings than a sub who is good, deeply submissive, and extremely respectful until the end (and beyond). Those are the subs who make you wonder from time to time if you made the right decision. I once ran into a sub I’d rejected a year or so prior at a dry cleaners (this was a real-time sub, obviously) and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him, as humble and respectful as ever, and almost acquiesced when he made an offer (which is another topic entirely).

But that is rare. It is also rare for a sub to get deeply upset when they are rejected but there are those types who will have a vendetta against a Domme who rejects them. A friend of mine, a transsexual Domme, was beaten nearly to death by a sub she rejected. We all have our horror stories, in fact, about subs who went a bit nuts when they were rejected. Unfortunately, no matter how nicely that sort is let down, they are likely to react in an outrageous way.

I received a message from another sub I had previously rejected today. This particular sub went so far as to create another screen name and go into a whole thing under that identity in order to eventually hurt me. Of course, this person never said “Hey, I’m _________” but he didn’t have to as I knew pretty early on. While I dealt with the “other” sub, I never bothered to address that facet of the situation because I knew he would never admit it anyway. And when I received the message today from that sub, I did what it is always best to do with those sorts; I deleted the message without reading it.

** There will be a bonus post this upcoming week as I have written about a few topics. That one will be more impersonal and theory-based. The goal here is to find a balance between my personal rants and the actual, useful information and discussion about the lifestyle and beyond.

To Be or Not to Be (Chaste).

Last week I was asked by a man who was interested in being a submissive why chastity was so important to subs/slaves. Chastity is one of those things that some subs are extremely interested in and others consider a hard limit. However, chastity is one of the most basic elements of submission, particularly with males [I should add here that when I discuss the topic of submissive people I mean men by default].

The very nature of chastity, or not being in control of one’s sexuality, takes away one of the “rights” we take for granted. Even for the abstinent or virginal person, often masturbation is a way to keep ones sexual urges at bay. Men seem to obsess about sex and their male genitalia more than women, especially when you look at pop culture references about the differences between the sexes/genders. Though this is not completely true, both sexes do their part to keep the stereotype in place. Indeed, men’s sexuality has been celebrated and aligns with the concept of man as conqueror while making sex another way for Women to be subjugated (or conquered).

Enforced chastity, especially when the submissive is male and he does it for a Domme, elaborates that the submissive recognizes the problem with that sort of thinking and is making himself an example of another state of being for men. Subs who use chastity devices – especially full-time – always speak of the deep sense of submission and satisfaction they feel when they are “locked in” and in time often come to rely upon that feeling and begin to feel uncomfortable when left “naked” without their devices. By handing over what “makes them male” to their Domme the subs show that they no longer control that part of themselves and have come to accept that their penises are not meant to simply gain sexual pleasure . Their function of waste disposal is highlighted as often subs find themselves having to make adjustments to how they position their bodies when they urinate and many find it useful to sit while doing it – yet another way to show submission.

A submissive can learn to use their bodies in much more novel ways to give pleasure while they are locked in chastity. They may be allowed to use strap-on sex toys when/if their Domme requires penetration or they may become masters at the art of oral pleasure. They may use other sex toys or be considered a walking sex toy for their Domme and/or whoever She decides they perform for. They will soon begin to listen to the bodies that they service for instruction, concentrate more, and begin to derive pleasure from giving pleasure: a true goal of the submissive and an example of man in his natural state, in my opinion. They may be used as receptacles as well and learn to enjoy receiving a strap-on, dildo, or real penis.

Indeed, prostate pleasure can be effectively explored when the male genitalia is locked away. Instead of the rushed sense of masturbation and even genital sex, males can learn to ejaculate through slow and steady prostate massage, tantric means, and can be trained – over time – to cum on demand; a really neat trick at parties. ;) The male submissive learns to expand his sexual horizons and other erogenous zones may be found on his body that were completely missed in his earlier life. Indeed, a submissive may become extremely orgasmic, even if in a strictly mental sense, after being locked in chastity for a long period. As part of a behavior modification and new submissive training program, chastity can be an awesome tool to help teach correct behaviors and instill certain emotions in a submissive, and as a lifelong/full-time measure can certainly enhance the sexual pleasures of both D and s….and I am getting quite worked up discussing it.

Next week I will discuss the role of the Keyholder and some tips for the successful use of such devices for both parties.