Early in the morning (In the middle of the night)...

It’s almost 3:30am and I am lying in bed, worrying. At my feet my little slave pup is sleeping soundly, curled around my feet, and snoring every now and again. For him, the night ended after oral service and expression of devotion, and he is dreaming little slave-dreams and preparing for his tomorrow, in the literal and figurative sense.

For me, it is much more difficult than all that. In less than two weeks, he leaves his home and starts a new job in another state. This represents a major step in his enslavement, and though he will miss the life he lived here, he is excited at what is ahead. I worry that the transition may not be as smooth as it has to be. I worry that this temporary position he starts in two weeks may not segue into another position soon enough and there will be a gap in his income. This worries me because my money is drying up and this major step he will soon be taking is one in which I no longer stand behind him with an open wallet, “just in case.” He becomes a full slave, and the only source of my income, if only temporarily, in a few week’s time.


Two weeks. Before I know it the day will come to say goodbye to this place and move on. Today my little slave confided that he is a bit scared and he will miss this house, the one he’s lived in for six years. Yet, he knows he has someone to slave for; a higher purpose. In fact, he got the very first job he interviewed for and the job he wanted, the job he begged to be allowed to apply to back when I first made the decision that he was coming to me. During his devotional, he expressed, as he has before, that he is happier than he has ever been. I am happy for him, but afraid.

This month I said I would write about duality. For a Domme, nights like these can weigh heavy. You groom a slave to follow as blindly as you desire it to but you understand that you offer to never lead them astray, though you may never say it. Ultimately, I am the “brains” behind this operation, though the snoring slave at my feet, who is about to get kicked in the nuts, does the work. That is the opposite side of the coin for a Domme and it is yang for the yin of dedicated service. The fulfillment for a slave is letting go of its own desires and working towards its owner’s, while giving up the privilege of selfishness. Yet, they give up the burden of complete responsibility too, and that burden is transferred to its owner.

Obviously, I don’t take it lightly and I mostly confident in our future. After his two months of temporary employment I know he will work hard to find something and work as many jobs as I require him to. When the sun rises, so will my general sense of knowing what’s best and I will make the decisions that need to be made and my slave will say “yes ma’am” and act upon them. Tomorrow I will be a Mistress. It’s late, I’m tired, and my period isn’t helping anything. I will think clearly tomorrow. But, tonight I worry.

I appreciate the slave at my feet and the life I have planned for him. I just wish he had more money.

Duality in June

For me May was almost everything I wanted it to be. I got nothing really done about the site or anything of the sort, but I ate too much, came too much, slept too much, traveled too much, and enjoyed myself a lot. On the negative side, I was lax with the slave because I was so focused on me, and it showed through some of him behaviors and the punishments he received (and, to be frank, some of the punishments he didn’t receive but should have). It was a lazy month, and I am glad I had it, because it looks like June will be busy.

Looking back at my music posts I see three posts that I scheduled never went through. I am backdating two of them and saving the third for later, as I want to review the song a bit more than I initially did, as it is actually two renditions of the same song. That will be the theme for this month, the month of duality, in honor of my Mother who is a Gemini.

So, this month I will be writing about things with dual themes. Aside from that music post I also plan to post a review for some D/s stuff from my perspective and my slave’s perspective, as I think that would be useful for my little slave-readers, and a couple more. I also intend to focus on quality more than quantity, as I sometimes rush myself to post something that I’m not entirely happy with. This month I only expect to write three original posts for the blog for my four posts of the month, which will allow me some time to hopefully edit some drafts to my satisfaction, which may be added as bonuses.

On the topic of drafts, I am currently typing on my backup travel computer, my mini-notebook, as my usual laptop suffered a virus last month and is stuck on the BSoD. I don’t have access to old files right now, as my backups are at my “other” house on my desktop, in another state. Everything I was working on came screeching to a halt as a result, but I didn’t feel like going through the headache of fixing it, as I was enjoying my laziness. I plan on fixing the laptop this week, however. I may also be settled (finally) in another state, as my slave may have gotten a job he recently interviewed for, which will certainly be a great thing, while also making June a month with a lot going on in my life, so, fair warning.

In May, on Memorial Day, as I always I thought of all the “soldiers” we’ve lost who fought many of the battles that needed to be fought. I am and believe in many things, and therefore I had a lot to think about and a lot of lives to appreciate. As always, Malcolm X is one person whose life I think of constantly in May, and particularly on Memorial Day, as his birthday was May 19. I have been thinking I may add a post about him this month, as the man who assassinated him was recently released after serving a 44 year sentence. It’s an interesting topic, and I may or may not be ready to write about it emotionally.

Memorial Day is a great “holiday,” in my opinion, as it has its wider meaning of “in memoriam” and how it is celebrated, particularly the grilling, reminds me of sending burnt offers to ancient Gods and Goddesses. I consider my personal ones during that time, and my slave sent up burnt offerings of his own to me by way of the grill and some overcooked chicken he was so excited to prepare, without recognizing his own limitations with the grill…But, I appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

Music & Female Supremacy: Suffocated Love

This is a good one. One of my favorite female artists is Bjork, and one of my favorite male artists is Tricky. Tricky is generally known as a “trip-hop” artist. This song is one of my favorites from his first solo album Maxinquaye. This is a highly-sexualized song, and I tend to think of it as the pro-Domme anthem, as the dynamic is too sexualized and too selfish for it to be an outright slavish song. There are elements of truest submission in the lyrics, just like in the dynamic of the paid submissive’s reality, and I simply love the song because it is mood music, like so much of Tricky’s work. If you do drugs, I highly recommend this entire album, a dark room, and contemplation. Even if you don’t, get the album anyway, if you like this sort of music. The woman who accompanies him on the song is his former girlfriend, mother of his child, and once-frequent collaborator, Martina Topley-Bird. The youtube version is here.

It's too good, it's too nice
She makes me finish too quick
Is it love? No not love
She turns my sexual trick

She says she's mine, I know she lies
First, I scream, then I cry
Take a second of me
You beckon, I'll bleed
She suffocates me

She suffocates me with suggestion
I asked do you feel the same?
And later on, maybe
I'll tell you my real name
She's so good, she's so bad

You understand, I can't expand
Now I could just kill a man
She's on her knees, I say please
I cross her city lines, she's got brown eyes

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

Forgive and you're forgiven
Kingdom come
Can you wait for yours, I need to taste some
Life's pretty funny, I laugh while she spends my money
She's my freak, I guess I'm weak

You ask what is this?
Mind your business
I pass my idle days with my idle ways
'Til the twelfth of always
She walks my hallways

I keep her warm, but we never kiss
She cuts my slender wrists
Let's waste some more time
I sign the dotted line
A different level, she devil

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

You ask what is this?
Mind your business
I pass my idle days with my idle ways
'Til the twelfth of always
She walks my hallways
I keep her warm but we never kiss

She says I'm weak and immature
But it's cool
I know what money's for
Push comes to shove, her tongue's her favourite weapon on attack
I slap her back, she mostly hates me

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

Can I take off your clothes
Before we go out?
And when you're helpless, I'll scream and shout
We finish everyday, well, anyway

Sixty nine degrees
My head's between your knees
You ask what is this?
Mind your business

It's too good, it's too nice
She makes me finish too quick
Is it love? No not love
She turns my sexual trick

She says she's mine, I know she lies
First, I scream, then I cry
Take a second of me
You beckon, I'll bleed
Take a second of me

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

Lyrics from: http://www.metrolyrics.com/suffocated-love-lyrics-tricky.html

Music & Female Supremacy: She Belongs to me

This song is close to my heart. My mother has always said that this song reminds her of me, and she has said that all of my life. She says it with a wink and a smile, but she does believe that it is an accurate description of how some think of me. I have a love for Dylan that all lover’s of Dylan have; one that is based on his songwriting skill, but also his apparent ability to understand so many points of view and accurately describe so many things in a way that only a true philosopher and critic of the human race can. The title does (and has always) make me uncomfortable, as it so blatantly describes ownership, but the title is so perfect for this reason, in my opinion.

All I found on youtube was covers of this particular song, so research it on your own time, if you haven't heard it.

She's got everything she needs
She's an artist, she don't look back
She's got everything she needs
She's an artist, she don't look back
She can take the dark out of nighttime
And paint the daytime black.

You will start out standing
Proud to steal her anything she sees
You will start out standing
Proud to steal her anything she sees
But you will wind up peeking through her keyhole
Down upon your knees.

She never stumbles
She's got no place to fall
She never stumbles
She's got no place to fall
She's nobody's child
The Law can't touch her at all.

She wears an Egyptian ring
That sparkles before she speaks
She wears an Egyptian ring
That sparkles before she speaks
She's a hypnotist collector
You are a walking antique.

Bow down to her on Sunday
Salute her when her birthday comes
Bow down to her on Sunday
Salute her when her birthday comes
For Halloween buy her a trumpet
And for Christmas, give her a drum.

Lyrics from: http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Bob-Dylan/She-Belongs-To-Me.html

Music & Female Supremacy: Use Me

This is sort of a submissive’s anthem, in my opinion, and is one of my favorite Withers’ song, due to its catchy tune and is lazy way of singing it. I don’t need to add much of a description of this one, as it couldn’t be more clear by its lyrics. I will say that what makes this song special, more special than many of the sort of “How do I love thee” songs, is that Bill makes no pretense to altruism, admitting, gleefully as he does at song’s end, that he is using his love interest in his own selfish way, as much as she is using him. He thumbs his nose at all naysayers as well, knowing that they can’t appreciate the situations he is in. I have attached both the lyrics and a youtube linked version of the song, which you can listen to here.

My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
Ha, ha, but my answer, ha, ha
Yeah, to all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

My brother, sit me right down
And he talked to me, ah-ha
He told me, ah-ha
That I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I-I-I said brother, if you only knew
You'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

Oh sometimes, it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people
And then you act real rude to me
But oh baby, baby, baby, baby
When you love me I can't get enough
I-I and I, wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

Talking about you using me
But it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
'Cause I sure am using you
To do the things you do
Ah-ha, to do the things you do

Lyircs from: http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Bill-Withers/Use-Me.html

Slave Nutrition Basics: Recipe

As I was preparing my slave’s meal for the next few days (the poor thing ate only peanuts yesterday due to a particularly grueling day of service and the fact that I forgot to feed him) I figured I might as well post a recipe and picture of a good slave staple, in my opinion. Unfortunately, the camera on my phone is not a great one but I attempted to tweak it a bit. Inexplicably it appears that some of the beans in the pot are green to my eyes, but they’re not. The next time I will turn on a light instead of natural light.

This is a great lunch and dinner meal and it’s basic enough for the most budget-conscious Domme who believes in simplicity for her slave/s. I am a major lover of the slow-cooker, Crock Pot method of cooking, especially for slave diets. On a personal level, this style of cooking just makes me think of childhood and slower, simpler times, and it’s obviously a great time saver while being the antithesis, in many ways, of the microwave dinner ideal.

It should come as no surprise, then, that I own many different styles and brands of slow cookers. The one in this picture is great for a slave. I bought this last Black Friday for $3 on some sort of door-buster deal. They had a million of them and I should have bought more as they’d make great gifts…I’m rambling. Anyway, the slow-cooker holds 2 quarts of food, which is eight cups. Depending on the slave’s diet, that can be eight or four servings – I think any more is overfeeding.

The recipe - if one can call it that - is:
¾ cup brown rice
1 cup great northern white beans
1 chicken bullion cube (no MSG) –optional-
enough water to cover

To make this, simply add the beans and about 3 cups of hot water to the pot and let cook for 3-4 hours on low. This kind of bean will say soak overnight on the package, but ignore that. After the beans have cooked that long add the bullion cube to a cup of hot or boiling water and let dissolve and add to the pot. Then add your rice and enough hot water to fill the cooker. Let it cook for another 3-4 hours and check tenderness. If the rice is still starchy put the heat up to high for another hour or so. You can also cook it for about half the time on high the whole way through, but check often after the rice has been added because the rice will absorb the water and more may need to be added.

Of course, you can add whatever seasonings or take out the bullion cube entirely to keep it bland. Conversely, this makes a good side dish for a Mistress with a few add-ins; like homemade chicken stock instead of bullion perhaps, and some Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top before serving, if you’d like.
The bullion cubes are $1 for 25, the rice $0.89/lb, and the beans are about $0.79/lb. For this meal that’s right around $0.80 and you get at most 8 servings: $0.10/serving, not bad at all.

It has the benefit of being pretty bland visually, as evidenced in the picture, which I believe is a good way to reinforce a slave’s position. For those slaves with a dog bowl and no utensils, this makes a great mush if cooked long enough, and could be blended for a nice gruel, if one was so inclined. The rice is about 170 calories per serving, the bullion is 5, and the beans are 150. If your slave is very active and this is to be one or two meals out of three, definitely go ahead and make two cups a serving, and this will be about 1300 calories out of their daily caloric count, or mix it up however you’d like.

Gird your loins.

Emme & Music in May

This month I will be focusing the blog on music, as it is one of my favorite topics. Specifically I will be discussing Female Supremacist and D/s themes in music. Each week I will review and discuss one of my favorite songs with deep D/s meaning, as I see it. It will also give me a chance to discuss some notable “mainstream” singers and songwriters whose lives and/or lyrics suggest another side, as well as their wider cultures. I also plan to add some more “rant of the weeks” and I have at least two reviews I want to do this month.

The website will be unveiled this month (more on that this week) and I am almost completely sure I will have the slave begin his own blog. I am still deciding on the future of the yahoo group and leaning towards transferring that idea to my website. If you are interested in making the transition should I make it, you may “join” the yahoo group so you are put on the contacts list. Should the group move to the site, it is important that I have the right email address for those who are interested, as membership will be as limited as membership was to the group itself.

Also in May I will be slowing down in other areas in my life and I hope to be able to concentrate more on “ME” in May, which includes all of my lifestyle activities, such as the website, blogs, and, yes, even the radio show. The demands of the past few months have been overwhelming to a degree, but this month I am setting aside time for R&R.

Q: Punishments

This is the last question of "Q&As in April." I chose it because it felt like it was relevant enough to the sensibilities of BDSM that it could actually dispel a lot of misconception. I’ve discussed it here before (I think) but I wanted to give it a bit more attention.

Q: How should a slave be punished?

A: This is a question that every Domme and submissive has likely considered at some point. For pro-Dommes and paying subs, the answer is you can’t. The biggest actual punishment would probably be to make him a dom or make him enact whoever he is daily, which of course would be pointless and the submissive may not decide to spend his paycheck on your services the next time he wants to be used.

For the lifestyle Domme and slave, the question is an important one, and the answer is seen above; the biggest punishment for a slave is not to be allowed to serve. Now, obviously, on one hand whatever the slave does or has done is a matter of service because it is in service by the nature of it being punished in the first place. The slave knows it is owned and a Mistress should never play games about giving the slave away or disowning it, as it breeds the wrong kinds of emotions in the slave and creates a slave who cannot trust its owner and is therefore not trustworthy.

First, let me clarify what I mean by “punish” as it is an important distinction. I do not mean the basic use a slave gets, that may involve physical pain and torture. I mean “discipline” when I say punish, and by that I mean what you do when your slave has broken a rule, become insolent, or otherwise acted in a way that you find unacceptable. I find all other use, essentially of any sort, to be training, as it trains a slave how to maintain its slavishness, appreciate its service, and remember its position. These are not punishments. If you cane your slave every morning or whenever the spirit moves you, this is not punishment but training for the slave and service/use from the slave. This sort of use should not be considered negative, but rather a simply reality of their enslavement.

Every slave has a reason why it became a slave in the first place. It has that special interest that led it to its enslavement and that interest is known to its Mistress even if it never confides. And that is what is manipulated for the sake of punishment. Does your slave love to be tied up? Don’t do it. Instead, have it walk up and down the street for an hour. Does your slave love the bite of the whip? Take it away. Use the whip, perhaps hitting the floor or another hard surface, to make the delicious sound that it is used to hearing with the accompanying slap, while the slave is doing its chores. Dangle it in front of its face like a carrot while it is being punished, letting it know that the privilege of its whippings have been taken away. Keep your Goddess feet away from your little foot fetishist or the strap on away from your anal whore. Get good service in all other ways while ensuring your slave is kept docile and slavish without its favorite form of service.

There are those slaves who love being used, and love service of any sort. Put those in the corner of every room you are in to hear the noises of daily activities while not being able to take part in its regularly scheduled ways. This is also useful for houseboys, sometimes, and male wives, or domestics of any sort.

There are some basic rules to follow when punishing slaves of any sort. First, don’t humiliate them, call them names, or anything of the sort when they are being punished. Every slave likes humiliation. Instead, express your dissatisfaction in a frank and impersonal way and otherwise ignore them. Rough treatment will also likely be enjoyable, so instead of dragging them by their collar, have them walk deliberately from place to place. Be a corrections officer or warden instead of a drill sergeant. Demand the best in an unemotional tone, and let them know that you do not get anything out of punishing them; that their real use comes when you use them as you do normally, even with rough use.

Slave Nutrition Basics Part II: Foods

I may add a sample weekly diet for a slave at some point, as this seems rather vague. I may add to it or edit it later, as well.

Once a vitamin regimen has been established, a slave's diet can be quite strict. I have found that dehydrated foods are a great option. They keep well (most are designed to last years for the "end of the world" survivalists), are relatively inexpensive, and have some nutritional value.

That said, pre-packaged dehydrated foods can be very high in sodium. For this reason, I suggest buying separate dehydrated ingredients in order to control sodium, flavor, and nutritional value. A vacuum-sealing canister device can ensure freshness and quality for home-mixed blends. I own my own food dehydrator and that can be a good investment too in order to buy things that are cheap or on sale, dehydrate them, and vacuum them.

You can purchase dehydrated meats as well as grains and vegetables, but, if a Mistress wants to keep costs lower, I promote vegetarian or vegan slaves. With proper nutritional support, this diet may be the best option for a slave, as it is simple, based on nutrition instead of taste, and would likely be very different that the food its owner enjoys, food that it may also be required to prepare.
Some fresh things can be added as a treat of for nutritional content and a breakfast of bran in warm months and oats in cold months is good. Fresh things that are approaching their expiration date and aren't great for a Goddess meal are perfect as a treat for slaves. Water and tea should really be all a slave needs to drink, especially if it eats a lot of pre-packaged dehydrated foods. That said, nothing is wrong with juice if the Mistress so desires.

Fiber is also a great addition to any healthy diet, be it slave or owner. While it certainly "cleans the pipes," it has the added benefit of helping the slave feel fuller longer, which is a good thing when their diets can sometimes be limited and sparse. Of course, fiber can be the sort that is mixed with a liquid or fiber from bran cereals and such. I suggest using both, but using “water soluble” fiber with less liquid than directed in order to create slurry (what would be at the bottom of the glass otherwise), which can be heaped atop whatever else the slave is eating.

Finally, “nutritional” or “meal replacement” shakes are a viable option, particularly if the slave works outside the home. I suggest buying generic options and the cheapest ones available, as well as sugar-free options, should your slave’s diet be totally restrictive. They are vitamin-enriched and high in calories, which should help the slave maintain the calorie count it needs for energy. In order to be aware of the calorie count your slave likely requires, do a quick web search for calorie intake calculator. After a cursory search I found this one, though I have not used it. Model whatever calculator you use off of the parameters found there, as things such as age and level of activity factor when calculating how many calories someone needs. Of course, you can always go by the FDA average of 2000, but it may be more or less than your slave needs, which could lead to weight gain or lethargy.

Slave Nutrition Basics Part I: Supplements

Q. What should an owned slave be allowed to eat?

This is an old question, asked by a former member of the yahoo group when it was still up and running. I have been asked variations of this question a lot, however, and I think the topic deserves its own post. I have a lot of information to share on the topic, so I decided to break it into parts and I will likely edit them along the way. I have to add the disclaimer that I am not a nutritionist, nor am I medical doctor. My advice is simply my opinion.

A. A slave's diet should be nutrition-based. Everything should start with a good supplement or mix of supplements that help provide the slave the nutritional support it needs, especially the essential vitamins and minerals that the body does not make. Of course, the slave’s Owner should be taking supplements as well for the same reasons (but more on that in another post, perhaps). The supplement regimen should be based on its service and lifestyle as well.

For example, a toilet slave needs a healthy mix of digestive aids and good bacteria while having good immune system support, as does a garbage disposal/trashcan slave. The nature of eating waste, no matter what form it takes, is such that the body will fight against it. Though digestive aids and bacterial supplements will only go so far, and perhaps illness every now and again is unavoidable, it just makes sense to give the body some help fighting infection and bacteria. Three mainstays (and thanks to the slave who asked in the group, as I am doing a cut and paste here, as I know I would butcher the spelling) include L. acidophilus, for the small intestine, B. bifidum for the large intestine, and L. bulgaricus for general health and promotion of healthy bacterial growth.

A toilet slave will receive things that its owner cannot absorb from their urine. This can mean "good" things such as vitamins and "bad" things such as antibiotics or medicines she may be using. While vitamins are good in theory, some have side effects and can be dangerous in large doses. The toilet slave's supplement regimen should be compared to its owners and adjusted accordingly. Urine with excess vitamins can look florescent green or yellow and the body releases the vitamins in urine a few hours after taking them. If urine is being consumed and a slave is on a supplement regimen, it may be best just to avoid consumption during those periods. Common sense should be used when it comes to medicines as well.

Any slaves who are kept locked away for long periods or are kept in the house at all times should be given good amounts of vitamin D, preferably with calcium. Generally, multivitamins are low in vitamin D because it is found naturally in sunlight. But vitamin D is otherwise very hard to get and the body does not make it, though it needs it.

For anyone taking a supplement regimen, please pay careful attention to what you are taking and how much. Know at the recommended daily values of whatever vitamins you take and don’t exceed that without speaking to a doctor. Be aware that you can overdose on vitamins and supplements and they can cause health problems if you do. Some supplements may interfere with medicines and/or have side effects.

For supplements, I highly recommend the Swanson brand and company. They have a very good site and mail-order catalog and often do "buy-one-get-one-free" promotions on a wide variety of supplements. I receive emailed promotions from them on a regular basis and buy in bulk when they are BOGO. For the penny-pinching Mistress, vitamins can be bought from local “dollar stores” (like the Dollar Tree) or you can generally get heavily discounted vitamins that are close to their expiration dates or have just expired from GNC, the Vitamin Shoppe, and sometimes grocery stores. Vitamins lose their value over time, not all at once, so they can still be used past the expiration date. Ask your vitamin store employee for a general guideline on how much one should take for equivalent nutritional value over time, and you’ll learn that you can use them for years beyond the listed dates.

April Flew By!

Ugh, it's happened again. I scheduled a post for Saturday at noon, but it didn't go through. I never understand why that happens. I will publish it today without scheduling but I wanted to chat about a few things now.

As I said a couple of weeks ago, I have been doing a lot lately. In May, I should be less busy, at least for a month or so, and I will be able to dedicate more time to the site (which is coming along nicely but has headed in a totally different direction somehow, and I have been trying to bring it back to my original vision) and all of the other ventures I spoke about.

I've been getting a good bit of response about the yahoo group, though I am still not accepting new members. I have been considering taking the group offline completely and bringing the group to my site, just to be able to keep things organized on my end and to be able to control more of the look of it. I've been playing around with some software for that purpose, but we'll see. For now, if you have interest in the group you may apply for membership. Though you can't be a member, you will have the option to be put on the mailing list for perspective members when I either reopen the group or open the comparable group on the site.

I have a concept for next month's blog posts that I think I will enjoy writing and over the next few days will add my last Q&As for April, as I haven't had time to type responses to this point but I want to get them in before the end of the month.

And that's it at the moment. I just bought two new sets of sounds, and after I give them a test drive I will likely do a review on them and pass along the seller information if they're any good, as I really liked the price.

All about Emme P1

When people send me messages I tend to put some to the side with the "I'll get back to him/her" approach and I do forget now and again. I tend to do this with personal questions most often because I am always trying to address "more important" questions about a submissive's path to slavery.

Since April is Q&A month, I figured I would kick it off with personal questions. I am asked all sorts of odd personal questions, but the basic ones are the ones that I get tired of answering after a while, simply because it's monotonous. So, here are a few "Emme Essentials," if you are interested:

1. Is "Emme" your real name and how is it pronounced?

A. No, my name is not "Emme." Emme is pronounced "M" and is the first letter of my first name. I love the letter "M" and once read an insightful essay about words and names that start with it and their importance. Think "Mistress," "Madonna," "Mary," "Mother," and so forth. "Emme" embodies all of those things, in my opinion.

2. How old are you and what is your zodiac sign?

A. I am 27 and a Leo, though I'm not into zodiac signs. They are fun to read, but anyone who knows me knows I am not flashy, nor loud, or gaudy as any description of a Leo suggests.

3. Do you currently own slaves? If so, are they computer-based or real-time?

A. Yes. At the moment I just own one, but I am looking, with no real urgency, for his slave-brother. I am incredibly picky, however, and he is recently acquired. I chose him as opposed to him pursuing me and he left me early on but returned within a day. Now he is my real-time slave, is collared, in chastity, and limitless.

4. Are you religious?

A. Yes, in that I am a believer in Black Female Supremacy and I do believe in and "practice" it.

5. Did you go to college and if so what did you study?

A. Yes - psychology, sociology, and human resource management

And that's it for now. These are pretty simple ones and I don't answer questions I consider too personal anyway. If you have a question about me or anything else on-topic, you may email me at questions@goddessemme.com.

Qs in April

I am excited about April! For no real reason except I am looking forward to warmth and seasonal things, like the change in my diet (to cold foods) and breaking out dresses and sandals. I am also going to be less busy this month than I was in March and I am looking forward to focusing on the blog, getting the site up to standards, and maybe even actually airing a radio show episode. Of course, I may not get the last two done, but it is good to have goals (smile).

I have to thank you guys for keeping me focused on the blog, and it will certainly continue, even if I miss a post here and there. Sometimes I do get burned out because I have nothing particular on my mind, but that won't be a problem this month. Because, this month I am focusing on answering questions that I have neglected for so long. I will also be accepting new questions at questions@GoddessEmme.com, though obviously I probably won't get to all of them. I am excited about this because I have been procrastinating for so long about it and it will be a great way to give myself some time to get new topics planned and some even written.

And, since this month is all about answering questions, I figured I would answer “when is the site/radio show going to be up?” as it is one I get often. And there is a lot to look forward to.

The Website

I am really excited about what I have planned for the site, but I had to check the legality of a few things and also ensure it would not be considered a “porn site” as many rules, regulations, and fees apply. I have the greenlight on almost everything but I decided to change the design and the program I used to create the draft.
Therefore I have a bit more work to do.

But, the site will have an online store to buy things for you and to tribute me. That will be the “basic” store, but there will be the “kink” store too, which will specialize in Goddess Emme-based products (smile) and will be for my truest acolytes, not the casual reader of this blog. There are some legal gray areas still, but I am working on getting the last few clarified.

There will be a media page, which will have direct access to the radio show, some “clip 4 sale” clips (in time, as they are semi-low priority), and some various programs that I find useful. This page will also have a link to my direct-connect phone line, which is like phone sex but is different (more on that later). I may add some pictures there too, just for the hell of it.

And a forum, of course, because I love forums. It took me a while to find a forum developer that I really liked and had enough options that I felt were necessary while being free, and I finally found one. It seems pretty good and will allow unique names, passwords, and some control on the admin side for content.

I’m considering giving my slave a blog on the site too. I know he needs some
writing-based service and I think he often feels very cloistered, and he is, underneath me and a community to take part in and blog/diary would be good for him.

Then a punishments page for everyone to make fun of those who need the humiliation after disappointing me; I will enjoy that. Also a page with applications for my professional services, real enslavement, and a few other things. Plus a few basic pages and two surprise pages that I won’t get into now. It should be good though, and whenever it is finished you are all expected to visit and such.

The Radio Show

Initially I had a “sidekick” who I dismissed after he annoyed me one too many times. Since then I have been sort of bored with the concept. I kept getting suggestions about having a “contest” but no one could tell me what on earth the contest was to be about. They just knew I should give away something (used panties came up a lot). While I don’t have any outright objections to the prize, I do need a topic for the contest, but we’ll see.

I really like the idea of an advice line sort of thing, but it will take quite a while to get enough people to make that viable. Of course, the topics would have to be on the topics of BFS and D/s. It will definitely be a call-in though. And maybe I’ll quiz a few callers who claim to be acolytes and see if they know their stuff, and give prizes if they do.

The Direct Line

Take the idea of “phone sex” take out the “sex,” and add “worship,” throw in some BDSM and a heavy dose of BFS and there you have it. Actually, the phone line will serve a variety of purposes. The first will be yet another way to tribute that is simple and effective, the second is for slaves and subs who want to speak to me directly (for a fee), and the third will be for those who want a dose of kink, by listening to real sessions, either existing ones or something they are interested in. It will be voyeuristic as I will not be speaking to them (though I will be on the phone) but they can put themselves in the position of my slave or whatever sub I am training. These sessions will likely be video recorded and available through the clips for sale area for after-phone pleasure.

The session work will be arranged in advance and paid for (through an existing service and site) before the actual sessions. The same is true for tributes. For subs who just want to talk, however, they will be able to almost 24/7 but at varying charges depending upon the time of day. This will be a per-minute fee and they will know what it costs prior to actually beginning the call, though a price schedule will also be scheduled somewhere. I will also be able to give people free minutes as I see fit and charge whatever I want per sub, which will be great for punishments.

This is separate from the call-in number for the radio show, as the radio show uses regular telephones with no fees, except any toll charges for those outside of the New York (I think, I have to recheck) calling area. Call from your cell.

The Book

I really want to write about something, I just don’t know what. I want to do some essays, D/s “self help,” and even fiction perhaps. It may not come to fruition, but I will simply self-publish if I do. Of course, anything I do will be made available on the website.

And a Few Other Things

I have a few ideas I am developing with others and a couple I am looking into on my own. We shall see what happens, but it’s good and you’ll like it!

That’s it!

It’s a lot, and most of it is profit-based. Though the website will be free, of course, it will hopefully encourage people to buy something from either tier. The radio show is free as well, but it has a tiny bit of profit potential through ad space. Everything else I discussed will cost you. The blog will always be free, however, as will the yahoo group (when it is re-launched).

Of course, we’ll see how much I commit to anyway. The great thing about this blog is that it’s something I can do at my leisure. I hate that the radio show locks me in at a certain time. It could all be wishful thinking as I am a spoiled, impatient Domme, but we shall see.

Let’s talk about sex.

What does sex mean to you? Is it based on sex organs or the anus, fingers, tongues, or something else entirely? Is it tied to a fetish so tight that you can’t separate the two? What do you masturbate to, if you masturbate at all? And if you don’t, why don’t you?

One of the great things about the “lifestyle” is seeing how people define sex and what turns them on. Some people get turned on by those very kinky “fringe” things that lead them to live in the closet, for fear their kinks will make people think less of them. Some people find the D/s lifestyle to be their kink, and that is enough for them. And others are probably something close to asexual.

I could go on and on, but hopefully the point was made that “sex” is relative. Personally, I think sex is whatever gets you off, for the most part. Like most Dommes, I have a host of sex toys and my strap-on is my favorite (outside of my strongest vibrator). But, I also like “plain” sex. Are you gasping yet? This has become almost taboo somehow, which I find hilarious. Somehow, it seems that a Domme who actually likes to use her vagina is becoming a rarity.

I thought the person was playing the first time I heard the gasp at that. But I’ve kind of gotten used to it. I might as well add to it that I only have sex with men who are submissive to me. I can’t imagine having sex with a dom man as there is no attraction. Now, this has gotten some outrage, especially among Dommes who believe all slaves should be sexless. I agree with the sentiment only if it is what a Domme wants from/for her slave.

I don’t allow for much sex from slaves either, and generally put a strap-on on a slave if I am to use them as sex toys, but there is something to be said – to me – for a real penis in my vagina (or ass, I suppose). I generally accomplish this by having a submissive man who is not my owned property act as my “live” dildo and it works just fine, but there are the times when I am worked up and the person closest is a slave and I want the “complete package.”

That can lead to trouble.

All of the hard work that goes into keeping a slave nicely chaste with large, swollen balls can come to bite you once you want them to gain an erection. A lot of anal use and/or prostate milking can also seem to hinder erections while helping ejaculations, also. And while a formerly over-sexed male slave turning into a chaste little tongue machine (as often happens) is a beautiful thing in general, it’s not so great when you want a rock-hard penis ready to go.

And as a Domme, nothing is more upsetting and insulting than a semi-erect or flaccid penis. It is almost a personal affront, even if you know it is a product of your own handiwork.

I don’t have any experience with drug regimens, Viagra and such, but I have always enjoyed the “penis mold” kits that allow you to make a dildo from a mold of someone’s penis. Even that can be less than ideal, especially when you want the ejaculation and the 100% real feeling. It is much less about size and shape at such times and much more about the overall experience of “normal” sex.I enjoy that kind of sex for the whole experience and nothing can really take its place.

So what works? A good cockring and/or a urethral plug can sometimes get the job done. Maybe even a bit of compromising and adding a little kink (or whatever sort the sub/slave finds appealing) can pay off. But these things are pretty iffy. The old, Pavlovian kind of conditioning will likely work, assuming there is nothing physically wrong with the sexual organs, but that takes time to instill.

It is a good idea, in my opinion, for potential slaves to start tying their erections to the idea of their owners in their own time and before being owned in order to better be able to serve once owned. It may never be useful and can certainly be un-learned in training, but it’s the sort of thing that can make a potential owner pleased and could go a long way to eventual ownership. I always tell new subs that their asses should remain virginal, if possible, so as to better please their eventual owner, as popping a cherry is always fun. But saying “tie your erections to your eventual – and probably unmet – owner,” can make you sound nutty.

It all starts, however, with knowing what gets you off, so that you can change it. A slave who knows exactly what he likes can look for an owner who shares the same kinks, as well. Knowing that one is turned on by giving to others, or being used, can mean that the particular slave needs no extra erection training, as getting the opportunity to serve in such a way should help a lot. Knowing that one never wants to use his sex organs can help finding a Domme easier.

This time give it real thought and try again. What do you like?

Strict chastity: extinct?

I have been sick for about a week now. I am so rarely ill that it is hard for me to function when I am…I do turn into quite the spoiled brat. I’m not 100% but I am certainly better.

Last week I discussed some goodies that I bought and some things I intended to make. While I did not feel well enough to knit (though it would have been a good time to get some knitting done), I did buy more stuff. Go figure. I am happy with my decision to purchase the things I bought as they were the sorts of things I couldn’t think of replacements for and appeared to be pretty good deals to boot. The items haven’t been delivered yet so it’s too soon to tell whether or not I will like them.

This week’s post is actually from a month or so ago. After I typed it, something changed or I found something out so I decided to put it on the back-burner until I could properly investigate whatever new information I came across. Fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t remember what that information was. I’ve read the post twice and I simply cannot remember if I ever added anything to it or not. So, I may edit this post at a later date if I happen to recall whatever it is that I learned.

Oh, one more thing before I get into the new/old post. I have received a few emailed questions in the past week about this or that related to the overall subjects of D/s, BFS, and consensual slavery. I have not responded and I don’t intend to send responses via email. Instead, I have added the new topics to my list of questions and I have been making my way through them, bit by bit. If you have asked me a question and awaited a response that is why you haven’t gotten one and if you want to email me to ask a question please use ask@goddessemme.com in the future as my personal inbox has been pretty full as of late and I’ve been trying to separate things.

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Part of what happens when anything goes mainstream that was once counter-culture is that it is changed to appeal to the masses. Unfortunately for the original supporters of the new trend, the heart and soul of it is often lost in translation. It seems as though male chastity devices are the new “it thing” and I am sorry to say that the purists out there may be getting a huge “F U” in the process.

Now there may be an old-school sub wearing a leather contraption right now who has to beg to be released long enough to use the bathroom who knows that a piece of plastic with a lock attached is anything but original or pure and I get it. But, while I applaud your Mistress, I have no desire to micromanage that much on a daily basis. And that is what made the cb series so divine.

With the cb series form and function were well put together so that a Domme could ensure her subs were well tucked away and they could live semi-normally while being in constant knowledge that their penises were no longer accessible. And when some subs got tricky and learned to pull out, the points of intrigue were added, giving another layer of security while ensuring repeat and satisfied customers. The addition of plastic locks, for air travel and such, was a nice touch as well.

And while the devices didn’t outright hurt (necessarily), they were uncomfortable enough to make sure a sub knew its place. A sub could wash and urinate somewhat easily but it took some adjusting and getting used to. And of course, they couldn’t get out easily and they didn’t want to: mission accomplished.

Until someone told the housewives. Not that I have anything against the women themselves, but sheesh! The first time I heard about chastity in the “vanilla” world it was some program/article about a woman who found out her husband was cheating and instead of leaving him, as they had children, she decided to go to “extreme measures” to ensure he was being faithful. I chuckled in a “Girl Power” sort of way and forgot about it.

Looking back, I wonder if that’s what did it. Recently, my newest slave-in-training was purchasing things for his basic chastity and he sent me a link to a device he “liked” that I had never seen before. It was a silicone product with great claims about how “comfortable,” can “be cut with simple scissors,” and “no pain during nocturnal erections,” which made me laugh aloud when I first read it.

I laughed too when I assured him that he would not be in such a device and sent him to another site to buy a cb3000. I was a bit disappointed when I realized they only had black, which is pointless in my opinion, but I wasn’t too worried as that site was having a sale. But every site we went to had either black or nothing. Finally we decided on a cb2000, in pink, which I am actually quite fond of. When I checked a few sites a week or so later, however, even they were sold out. And it doesn't seem like they will be coming back.

It is possible that something else exists that is not mainstream enough for me personally to be aware of that suits all of my needs. It is also possible that there are other options that I will be happy with, or even that I get used to the silicone device and/or find that it's not as "comfortable" as it claims or at least can be made less so with a bit of effort, but I find it disheartening that the cb series is likely discontinued.

So, a toast to all the little beads of blood on the penises of good slaves in the past and present due to a stubborn erection and the PoIs of the cb series. Another toast to all of the slaves and subs who are pissed about the disappearance of the cb series and those who are trying to find less-comfy chastity devices now. Oh, and if you have any information about the cb series or good replacements (according to my criteria above), or if you've tried the silicone models, add your thoughts to the comment section (and links if you can) and I will investigate them.

Gird your loins.

Leashes and collars and stretchers, oh my!

Lately I’ve been buying a lot of D/s gear. Of course, fetish stuff is never cheap, and that generally feels right somehow. It’s such a niche that it makes sense that some of the BDSM-specific toys would be pricey. Even if you look at an actual sex toy store versus a fetish store, the fetish store is always pretty expensive. I do what I can to cut down prices on some of the not-so-specific items, especially dildos and whatnot, and generally just accept that the must-haves are almost luxury items.

That said, I have found that if I spend too much time buying fetish stuff from fetish stores I generally lose sight of my “bargain hunter” side and end up wanting the whole set of something unnecessary or wanting an item that I could get almost anywhere but the fetish shop’s version looks better than whatever I would find elsewhere. A great example of this is a simple enema bag. An enema bag can be bought anywhere, pretty much dirt cheap, with all of the great nozzles and uses. Fetish websites have enema bags that cost way over $50, and have the same nozzles or fewer, but they are black and shiny and much easier on the eyes and the sensibilities than one that reminds you of a nursing home.

Sure, a pro Domme can buy the best everything, because they are paid well to create the fantasy and they’re all write-offs anyway. For the lifestyle Domme, in a recession no less, sometimes you have to think a bit smarter, or at least consider your bottom line. It becomes important to ask yourself what is most important and then decide what you can scrimp on.

Personally, I think crops, whips, and paddles should all be the top priority, in terms of expense, as the quality of these items matters. I am a crop fanatic and canes are my runner-up, so I use them often. I prefer buying crops (and whips and floggers, I suppose) from horse stores. They aren’t necessarily more expensive than what you would find in a fetish shop anyway, but they are almost always better-made. I tend to find bamboo canes everywhere. At the farmer’s market, for example, there are stalls for people selling bits of this and that, and I find bamboo walking canes and sticks often. I’m also a fan of a sub getting a switch off of a tree, when necessary, however, so I don’t buy canes as much, though I have broken many. Wooden back-scratchers are good when you don't have a cane handy.

Collars, leashes, and stretchers, however, are the kinds of things that are used
every day but are not really hard-use items. While you may spank someone with a leash if it’s handy, you aren’t doing much else except pulling it or tying it to something. And yet, these three items are some of the most expensive when it comes to their actual value, cost to make, and markup. Why? Because they’re cheaply made, sold widely, but a few embellishments can make a lot of visual difference even if the product is the same.

I must ask, are ball stretchers even necessary as a product? I can think of a million things that can stretch balls for under a dollar or two (if that). But when I see a pretty ball stretcher and the cute weights I always want one. And then I want another one, and so on. Collars are similar. I can buy a million collars and always want another one, because there are so many options, and, I tell myself, so many reasons why I should have every one. In reality, a sub probably needs two and maybe three to four for the sake of having a few options. The outside collar is of course essential, as it needs to be something that can be discreet if it is required, and one for home. A Domme may choose to have one for parties or something “formal” and maybe one more that is good for some other purpose. Some may not need to lock but some should.

Leashes become a matter of being part of a combo/leash set, complementing the collars, or at least being easy on the eyes. So we want the leather or leather-look, or some nice thick chain, or whatever floats our boats. But it gets expensive! Even if you buy the collar/leash combo from pet stores they can still get expensive…as can dog bowls and whatever other things that can be purchased from pet stores, which are of course specialty stores. And sure you can go to Wal-mart or the equivalent, but you normally find the most plain, general purpose bowls and leashes there.

Last week I thought to myself, “the Dollar Store!” and headed to my local Dollar Tree store. And I loved it. I bought a large porcelain dog bowl with a really cute pattern, several leashes, a bunch of locks, and all sorts of “general purpose” stuff that I know I can use in creative ways. Oh, and I bought several collars. Though they were all nylon (like the leashes), some had studs and some had rhinestones, others had interesting patterns, and even others had simple words stamped on them that were much better suited for D/s than real animals (my favorite being a plain black collar with “DOG” plainly printed in white).

The collars came in thin widths and wide widths, and were also different lengths. The shorter lengths with wide widths could be nice for ball stretchers, with the added benefit of having the loop for leash attachment. Many of the collars had leashes that matched them perfectly but were not a set. At $2, who cared? Of course, the quality of the collars weren’t great. I can see that some of the thin ones had short life spans if used for their intended purposes, but some of them looked like chokers, which made them good contenders for outside-use collars.

Now, most of these collars came with the closures that are similar to backpack strap closures, the ones where you squeeze the sides to remove one side from the other (that description sucks, yes, but I’ve been typing for a while now – deal with it). I looked at them hard, however, and I think I can remove those plastic parts and add the right hardware to make them lockable…and did I mention I bought a bunch of locks from there too? There were Velcro ones, too, and those made me think “ball stretchers” even more.

On the topic of ball stretchers and still in the spirit of do-it-yourself (or have a sub do it), I’ve been thinking about ball stretchers that please the eyes and are still dirt cheap. I’ve considered knitting some and/or weaving a few. A good, durable yarn and tight knit and/or weave could also hold a few metal loops for locks and/or leashes. I will probably break out the yarn and needles this week and see if I can make something I like. I may also take pictures of the bounty I bought at the dollar store, and whatever I come up with for stretchers. I spent around $20 in the dollar store, by the way, and spent $40 on one collar, one collar/leash combo, and some anal beads a couple of weeks ago.

Will I stop going on sprees, especially for my favorite items? No. But I will be more creative with those things that are not as personally important but I use often. Who doesn't love a deal?

Context Matters

Today I was accused of being male by an online sub for the very first time and it bothered me greatly. Not so much being called a male, because I think Domme Women deal with that from time to time, but primarily because I apparently "type like a man," which made me think of what he could possibly mean and the difference between males and Females in how we communicate.

First, I will explain the circumstances. I have found that online I appear too "nice" which leads some to believe I am looking for a lapdog. In fact, I am quite sadistic and very kinky but I don't wear it on my sleeve, per se, as I have always been that way so it's nothing to shout about. In speaking with me in real time, I think many subs become hurt that I am not as sweet as they expected. In this case, I was in a very mellow mood and a bit stir-crazy from being trapped in the house for days on end due to the snow. I wanted to enjoy a leisurely chat about nothing in particular because I had spent so much time thinking and typing for this blog and other things. I wanted to get off of theory and back to my own reality.

So, this sub and I began a discussion which led to upsets via online "meetings" and we both shared a few horror stories. While I had varying kinds, his seemed to all be of the "and then I found out 'she' was a guy" variety, which seemed a bit odd but I have never really asked a sub about such things and it sounded likely. The conversation went to him discussing how he could tell a Domme was a guy, based on certain criteria that included how kinky "she" was. That made me think about how I seem outside of actual conversation and I described how I tended to appear more "ladylike" until one really got to know me and how - I believe I used the term "depraved" - I can be. From there we naturally started discussing the kinkiest things we did and I guess mine trumped his, in retrospect.

Now, by this time we'd discussed all sorts of things, from our educations, political beliefs, future plans, etc and I was quite comfortable with telling him something I consider private as I did. And the conversation went on, even though he was pretty caught up in the "wow" factor of my tale, which to me didn't seem that insane. Actually, it involved nothing that could make someone sick, physically hurt, and it was perfectly legal. I found his reaction to be a bit strong but he self-identified as a sub and likely more spanking-based or something.

Near the end of the conversation, now after six in the morning, he asked about the "next step," which suggested that our conversation went well. I told him, as always, that we would have another chat to see if he was consistent in how he behaved in that chat, which I enjoyed. I do that because, as he illustrated today, subs can be quite selfish and spoiled and can change their behavior abruptly as they feel they do not get what they want. And the system works, lol.

I didn't chat with him again until today and he brought up the whole scenario we'd discussed before and began his diatribe by saying he didn't believe it, which pissed me off. After a back-and-forth over it, in which he attempted to backpedal, I told him to go away, as I do when someone shows their true colors in such a manner. And that is when he decided to tell me I was male. It was obvious that he wanted to get a dig in, but I do believe that he used the "must be a man" defense whenever someone dismissed him or didn't fix into his stereotypical mold. One of his reasons, as I explained before, was that I "typed" like a man. Thinking of our initial conversation, context came to mind.

Here is a portion of that original conversation:

Black(5:48 AM): anyway, I will give you one thing that someone told me was pretty disgusting
Black(5:48 AM): which I found rather tame
Black(5:49 AM): I had an older guy sub who I only fed_____________. I only had him for a week though
Black(5:49 AM): he didn't find it disgusting, someone else did
Black(5:49 AM): he loved it, actually, lol
jacksubjones(5:49 AM): you did that!!!!!!!!
jacksubjones(5:50 AM): how did he eat _________________? how did it get int there. i'm trying to picure the mechanics
Black(5:50 AM): yes but this was a sixty-something guy who was so used up that I had to find creative things for him to do
Black(5:52 AM): I would have another sub put the______________________________ and in a couple of hours I would get on my back, have him on his knees, and take the plug out. or I would sit on his face
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): OMG
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): that's so fucking out there
Black(5:52 AM): I thought it rather ingenious, myself, lol
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): i'm amazed on so many levels
jacksubjones(5:53 AM): i'm having a hard time understanding why you would want to be with such a wasted old man to begin with

Now, many of you will fill in the blanks, as it's not so hard to figure out. Granted, he seemed genuinely shocked, but look at the context. A man wants/gives details about such things to get off and a Woman simply shares a story. Also, everyone knows how I feel about older men who have been so used up and worked so admirably for their Dommes only to be traded in for a new model when they are too old to be attractive. Indeed, I take it as almost a duty to give them a bit of happiness when I meet a very good one, though it is often unrealistic to keep them forever as they can be too deeply programmed to their former Mistress' tastes.

So, for those of you who worry about if Dommes are men or not, I say to look at context. A dominant Woman is very different from an aggressive, likely masturbating, "dude" and understanding those - perhaps - small differences, though the above - in my opinion - would have been so much more graphic had a man who was trying to find masturbation bait would have been...which is what they are looking for, I guess.

That's my rant of the week...hey, I like that! I may do one each week, now that I look at it.

Nice chair!

Objectification. Some are very afraid of this topic because it can go from basic (like a chair), to odd (like a trashcan), to potentially disgusting (like a toilet). Others only want to be one thing: a human sex toy. Unfortunately for those types, most Dommes need more than a dildo or gaped hole. This sort of work - on a slave’s behalf - really separates the part-timers from the life-timers, as being used as an object for any length of time requires real training. Imagine the 65 year old slave with a full-figured Domme who uses him as a chair while she eats. That is work that some would be yelling a safe word by minute two, but under its Mistress a slave finds purpose and peace.

A quick note on “toilets”: This post is not about toilet training. I will make it very clear, however, that if you have hard limits such as toilet-duty, you must ask any potential new owner to clarify if they say they are into objectification. Some Dommes will simply say they are looking for a toilet slaves, others - often on purpose - simply say they want objects so as not to scare away potentials. It is the responsibility of the slave to find these things out prior to being owned; I cannot stress that idea enough.

So why does a Domme need a chair or an ashtray or footstool? From day to day she probably doesn’t. What objectification highlights, as opposed to broad submission, is utility in a slave. Can it be part of a humiliation, degradation, or punishment training? Of course! But the slave is demonstrating that it is can be used in a variety of ways that are helpful and pleasing. I smoked for years and I could never stand seeing ashes curled up in an ashtray so having a slave to deposit them into was very useful. One of my favorite examples of objectification is actually on an episode of Arrested Development, in which the family matriarch uses her adopted prepubescent son as a purse because her outfit requires she go purse-less. That is a useful, novel, and simple way to be an object.

Chairs are perhaps the best example because they put a slave close to its source of greatest pleasure (the vagina and/or ass of its Domme) and is similar to queening so there is an obvious and comforting connection for both owner and slave. The slave can often “bear up” nicely because it is such a warm and delightful place to be. Toilet service, whether partial or full, can theoretically cause a similar sense of well-being in a slave with the addition to degradation, which can either heighten the experience for the slave or make what would otherwise be a wonderful experience a horrible one (which, frankly, is even better for some dear slaves).

Because this topic is a lengthy one and contains a lot of possibilities I am keeping it short as I may go deeper in depth with kinds of objects in future posts.

I am adding a picture to today’s post that I found at a site that a little sub with aspirations towards enslavement sent to me. The artist is Alex Chapmon and link to his work is here. It was the inspiration for today’s post. Enjoy.

The Basics.

There are many practices I believe are extremely important for the owned sub in order to grow and develop its potential. In order to paint with a broad brush I will outline some of them here:

1. Chastity

2. Cuckolding

3. Bisexuality

4. Body modification (to varying degrees)

5. Objectification

6. Caning/whipping

7. Torture/humiliation

8. CBT

9. Bondage

10. Ritual

These ten basics represent some of the foundations of a slave. Some of them, like numbers seven and eight, may appear to be very similar (as CBT is a form of torture) and others may seem to be specifics of larger listed themes (some would say cuckolding and forced bi are kinds of humiliation, for example), while some practices that some would consider “musts” are missing (cross-dressing or forced feminization) and some that I consider musts aren’t to others (rituals, for example). This should let you know that it is all relative.

If I had to pick five from the list that are 100% musts they would be numbers 1-3, 6, and 10. But it is very, very hard for me to pick just five. Potentials always want to know what is in store for them and this list is a good start. Of course there are other things a slave must learn to do that depend upon their use, like body worship, massage, anal training, etc (all of which I am wholeheartedly a proponent of), but that use really should come after an arduous training program that includes the practices listed.

And initial training programs are totally necessary. It takes time and focus to break a sub and “reprogram” it to be what it aspires to. Any good training program uses the above thoughtfully and with dedication, even if the sub is a lifetime slave with decades of experience. It simply has to be taught how to exist under its new conditions and for its new owners. Dommes who don’t methodically train their slaves really do them a disservice and sadly disregard the nature of the relationship and both parties: slaves WANT to submit and NEED proper training, just as Dommes need to know what they’re doing and what works.

Of course, my own training program is personal and wouldn’t necessarily be helpful for anyone other than me. That part of the discussion will happen at the group, for the “hardcore” followers and not the casual readers, as I don’t think it’s really good for un-owned slaves to believe they know what to expect from their training or use based on something that someone else does. It is up to the slave’s Domme and the sub must place its trust in her hands.

The list will be discussed one by one in upcoming posts, though in no particular order and not necessarily on a weekly basis as I have other topics to discuss. One of them, chastity, has already been covered. Some of the more taboo topics will be covered at the yahoo group as they are not for everyone. Indeed, the discussions on all topics will be discussed in a much more personal way, and I expect members to take part. For the casual reader, I assure you there will be more than enough information here.

Kidnapping, Breeding, & Blackmail

---This month I am going to try and cram a lot about my own belief system on BFS into the posts so as to coincide with Black History Month. I have been trying to integrate my beliefs there with other themes in the D/s framework, so there are a lot of segues. Luckily I have been essentially "snowed in" (though I've been dragging it out), so I have been able to write pretty much constantly lately and I have been getting all sorts of things done other than the things that will appear here. There will be more than weekly posts this month. I expect to lose some of you along the way, as I get deeper into what I actually believe in, and I am not for everyone. ---

There are some subs who want to be “forced” into slavery. These subs often have intricate fantasies of exactly how they will be caught, kidnapped, and made to serve. I know some of you instantly know my major problem with those sorts…yes, they are examples of a slave picking its slavery instead of being open to whatever its owner desires. More than that, it is unrealistic. Why? You can’t force someone to do what they want you to do, and are begging for.

This is very similar to my thoughts on the foolishness some Black Female Supremacists (and Black Supremacists) tout on owning white slaves. How silly is it to say something along the lines of “we are enslaving them for enslaving us for hundreds of years,” when you are “enslaving” someone who wants to be enslaved? Consensual slavery is not chattel slavery in the least - even if the model of how the slave is treated is the same - because the slave wants to be enslaved! That is a MAJOR difference. So those who say they are “getting even” when they have a white guy who is in pure heaven while getting his forty lashes or whatever, are ridiculous; you aren't fighting injustice so why pretend? Be dominant; let your own needs be enough of a reason for why you do what you do!

Blackmail is similar. I can understand how the extra “insurance” could seem useful to some, but consensual slavery is a legal minefield anyway, and that sort of thing blurs the line and can really hurt the Domme involved in the end. Because, of course, blackmail is illegal. So, if a sub has blackmail and/or kidnapping in mind for some fantasy enslavement, they are saying “I don’t really trust myself to stay at your heels” or “I think about this to jerk off and either I have no desire to go through with it or I can only do it if completely forced,” and neither of those statements are desirable. There are enough very willing slaves who have the right mindset and can be used in ways that can titillate a Domme’s need for adventure if she has it, on her terms.

Now of course there are 100% real black-market slaves in this day and age, often who are taken as children and made to work in insufferable conditions. I am entirely against that sort of thing. Nor would I ever breed slaves to have a second (or more) generation of slaves, because it is no longer consensual at that point, obviously, for the children involved. I think those sorts of things are heinous and they do absolutely nothing for me. As a dominant, I am attracted to submissive people, and though I do love “breaking” someone into being a slave, it is a process of showing a submissive person their truest selves and it is a beautiful thing, not something as ugly and negative as actual non-consensual slavery.

And the distinction is extremely necessary. A slave should want to protect its Domme from the severe scrutiny and hatred they can face from a populace that doesn’t understand the difference. The Domme (or dom) in any situation can be made out to be a monster while the sub is seen as a poor, brainwashed, misguided soul, which anyone in the life knows is entirely false. It is really up to subs to be as vocal as possible when necessary to people outside of the lifestyle about the truth of the dynamic so that everyone in the lifestyle is protected. Unfortunately, people seem to think Dommes are selfish megalomaniacs, which is more often than not totally not the case at all. Weirdly, "normal" people seem to be able to relate to that concept, however, which says something about them, in my opinion.