Let’s talk about sex.

What does sex mean to you? Is it based on sex organs or the anus, fingers, tongues, or something else entirely? Is it tied to a fetish so tight that you can’t separate the two? What do you masturbate to, if you masturbate at all? And if you don’t, why don’t you?

One of the great things about the “lifestyle” is seeing how people define sex and what turns them on. Some people get turned on by those very kinky “fringe” things that lead them to live in the closet, for fear their kinks will make people think less of them. Some people find the D/s lifestyle to be their kink, and that is enough for them. And others are probably something close to asexual.

I could go on and on, but hopefully the point was made that “sex” is relative. Personally, I think sex is whatever gets you off, for the most part. Like most Dommes, I have a host of sex toys and my strap-on is my favorite (outside of my strongest vibrator). But, I also like “plain” sex. Are you gasping yet? This has become almost taboo somehow, which I find hilarious. Somehow, it seems that a Domme who actually likes to use her vagina is becoming a rarity.

I thought the person was playing the first time I heard the gasp at that. But I’ve kind of gotten used to it. I might as well add to it that I only have sex with men who are submissive to me. I can’t imagine having sex with a dom man as there is no attraction. Now, this has gotten some outrage, especially among Dommes who believe all slaves should be sexless. I agree with the sentiment only if it is what a Domme wants from/for her slave.

I don’t allow for much sex from slaves either, and generally put a strap-on on a slave if I am to use them as sex toys, but there is something to be said – to me – for a real penis in my vagina (or ass, I suppose). I generally accomplish this by having a submissive man who is not my owned property act as my “live” dildo and it works just fine, but there are the times when I am worked up and the person closest is a slave and I want the “complete package.”

That can lead to trouble.

All of the hard work that goes into keeping a slave nicely chaste with large, swollen balls can come to bite you once you want them to gain an erection. A lot of anal use and/or prostate milking can also seem to hinder erections while helping ejaculations, also. And while a formerly over-sexed male slave turning into a chaste little tongue machine (as often happens) is a beautiful thing in general, it’s not so great when you want a rock-hard penis ready to go.

And as a Domme, nothing is more upsetting and insulting than a semi-erect or flaccid penis. It is almost a personal affront, even if you know it is a product of your own handiwork.

I don’t have any experience with drug regimens, Viagra and such, but I have always enjoyed the “penis mold” kits that allow you to make a dildo from a mold of someone’s penis. Even that can be less than ideal, especially when you want the ejaculation and the 100% real feeling. It is much less about size and shape at such times and much more about the overall experience of “normal” sex.I enjoy that kind of sex for the whole experience and nothing can really take its place.

So what works? A good cockring and/or a urethral plug can sometimes get the job done. Maybe even a bit of compromising and adding a little kink (or whatever sort the sub/slave finds appealing) can pay off. But these things are pretty iffy. The old, Pavlovian kind of conditioning will likely work, assuming there is nothing physically wrong with the sexual organs, but that takes time to instill.

It is a good idea, in my opinion, for potential slaves to start tying their erections to the idea of their owners in their own time and before being owned in order to better be able to serve once owned. It may never be useful and can certainly be un-learned in training, but it’s the sort of thing that can make a potential owner pleased and could go a long way to eventual ownership. I always tell new subs that their asses should remain virginal, if possible, so as to better please their eventual owner, as popping a cherry is always fun. But saying “tie your erections to your eventual – and probably unmet – owner,” can make you sound nutty.

It all starts, however, with knowing what gets you off, so that you can change it. A slave who knows exactly what he likes can look for an owner who shares the same kinks, as well. Knowing that one is turned on by giving to others, or being used, can mean that the particular slave needs no extra erection training, as getting the opportunity to serve in such a way should help a lot. Knowing that one never wants to use his sex organs can help finding a Domme easier.

This time give it real thought and try again. What do you like?

Nice chair!

Objectification. Some are very afraid of this topic because it can go from basic (like a chair), to odd (like a trashcan), to potentially disgusting (like a toilet). Others only want to be one thing: a human sex toy. Unfortunately for those types, most Dommes need more than a dildo or gaped hole. This sort of work - on a slave’s behalf - really separates the part-timers from the life-timers, as being used as an object for any length of time requires real training. Imagine the 65 year old slave with a full-figured Domme who uses him as a chair while she eats. That is work that some would be yelling a safe word by minute two, but under its Mistress a slave finds purpose and peace.

A quick note on “toilets”: This post is not about toilet training. I will make it very clear, however, that if you have hard limits such as toilet-duty, you must ask any potential new owner to clarify if they say they are into objectification. Some Dommes will simply say they are looking for a toilet slaves, others - often on purpose - simply say they want objects so as not to scare away potentials. It is the responsibility of the slave to find these things out prior to being owned; I cannot stress that idea enough.

So why does a Domme need a chair or an ashtray or footstool? From day to day she probably doesn’t. What objectification highlights, as opposed to broad submission, is utility in a slave. Can it be part of a humiliation, degradation, or punishment training? Of course! But the slave is demonstrating that it is can be used in a variety of ways that are helpful and pleasing. I smoked for years and I could never stand seeing ashes curled up in an ashtray so having a slave to deposit them into was very useful. One of my favorite examples of objectification is actually on an episode of Arrested Development, in which the family matriarch uses her adopted prepubescent son as a purse because her outfit requires she go purse-less. That is a useful, novel, and simple way to be an object.

Chairs are perhaps the best example because they put a slave close to its source of greatest pleasure (the vagina and/or ass of its Domme) and is similar to queening so there is an obvious and comforting connection for both owner and slave. The slave can often “bear up” nicely because it is such a warm and delightful place to be. Toilet service, whether partial or full, can theoretically cause a similar sense of well-being in a slave with the addition to degradation, which can either heighten the experience for the slave or make what would otherwise be a wonderful experience a horrible one (which, frankly, is even better for some dear slaves).

Because this topic is a lengthy one and contains a lot of possibilities I am keeping it short as I may go deeper in depth with kinds of objects in future posts.

I am adding a picture to today’s post that I found at a site that a little sub with aspirations towards enslavement sent to me. The artist is Alex Chapmon and link to his work is here. It was the inspiration for today’s post. Enjoy.