Somewhere in my last post I typed the phrase "it isn't supposed to be fun" (or something like that) and I had a sub ask me today, "well if it's not supposed to be fun, what is the point of it all?"
Tonight I was working on something else entirely and that question popped up in my head again. At the time I simply responded "that depends upon the person, I suppose," which led other places, because it was the kind of question that takes so much to respond to any satisfying degree. And for some, it is supposed to be fun, but I have absolutely no desire to spend any time with those sorts.
In the first post on this blog I spoke of the difference between pro-Dommes and lifestyle Dommes. Paying submissives are paying for a fantasy and paying for "fun." Those types can have a session tailor-made for their own kinks or fetishes and after a good spanking or whatever it is they want - even if they want a Domme to go to work on them however she sees fit - they can go home satisfied while the Domme might have satisfied her own sadistic urges but she may have gotten nothing out of it at all except money. [Some submissives love to call pro-Dommes whores for that reason, which of course is flawed logic as what I described is "work" at its core. It would be the same to say a masseuse or barber was a whore...but I digress.] But that is the trade-off for paying subs and pro Dommes. Like being fed a cracker when one is starving, it will do for the moment but it's not really satisfying.
For lifestyle subs, particularly slaves, the dynamic is totally different. The lifestyle slave is drawn to and fed by a deep, lasting submission that is not fun but necessary. The biggest (perhaps only) punishment for this type is to not be able to serve someone in that manner. The true slave does not look for fun but knows that there is beauty in sacrifice, hard work, and dedication. Even when such a slave is unowned, the desire is still strong and palpable for them and they do things, even small things, to try and serve when needed.
And of course, this type is more attractive than anyone else to its counterpart, the lifestyle Domme. I talk a lot about "types" of slaves and submissives, because the reality is there are many and they are compatible with their dominant counterpart (like the person who loves to give physical pain is a good match for those who love to receive it), but the theoretical slave - and best slave - is clay waiting to be molded into whatever its Domme desires. For me, the temptation is there to take a pain slut and turn it into something else entirely just to teach it that its desires are not its own, but the reality is there are many theoretical slaves who in practice have limits that are make-or-break and those are often the ones who want it to be "fun;" however they define it.
I cannot verify this and I have no idea if it is true or not, but in conversation a sub once said that Black Dommes are more "spiritual" about the D/s dynamic and much less sexual than other Dommes, particularly white ones. This sub was upset about this because he was physically attracted to Black Dommes but didn't like how they downplayed the sexual side of D/s. As I laughed, another sub said that his attraction to Black Dommes was based on the fact that he was more ritual-based and believed in the deeper parts of the D/s dynamic and found that he complemented that ideology. This sub wanted more than just a slap, tickle, or fuck, he said. This sub wanted something he could drown in emotionally. So perhaps that is a notable difference about "types" as well.
I will not argue, obviously, that even my theoretical "perfect" slave has a selfish reason at the base for why they want to be enslaved. I do not believe in altruism, particularly in submissives. But, fun is fleeting and easy while things that take lifetimes to develop and dedicate to have moments of pure bliss but are not roundly fun. For a pianist the concert is probably great fun but the lifetime of learning to play the damned thing and get to that level then maintain it is arduous work that is full of challenges. But the pianist plays because she must, not because she likes it - even if sometimes she does.
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