Today I was accused of being male by an online sub for the very first time and it bothered me greatly. Not so much being called a male, because I think Domme Women deal with that from time to time, but primarily because I apparently "type like a man," which made me think of what he could possibly mean and the difference between males and Females in how we communicate.
First, I will explain the circumstances. I have found that online I appear too "nice" which leads some to believe I am looking for a lapdog. In fact, I am quite sadistic and very kinky but I don't wear it on my sleeve, per se, as I have always been that way so it's nothing to shout about. In speaking with me in real time, I think many subs become hurt that I am not as sweet as they expected. In this case, I was in a very mellow mood and a bit stir-crazy from being trapped in the house for days on end due to the snow. I wanted to enjoy a leisurely chat about nothing in particular because I had spent so much time thinking and typing for this blog and other things. I wanted to get off of theory and back to my own reality.
So, this sub and I began a discussion which led to upsets via online "meetings" and we both shared a few horror stories. While I had varying kinds, his seemed to all be of the "and then I found out 'she' was a guy" variety, which seemed a bit odd but I have never really asked a sub about such things and it sounded likely. The conversation went to him discussing how he could tell a Domme was a guy, based on certain criteria that included how kinky "she" was. That made me think about how I seem outside of actual conversation and I described how I tended to appear more "ladylike" until one really got to know me and how - I believe I used the term "depraved" - I can be. From there we naturally started discussing the kinkiest things we did and I guess mine trumped his, in retrospect.
Now, by this time we'd discussed all sorts of things, from our educations, political beliefs, future plans, etc and I was quite comfortable with telling him something I consider private as I did. And the conversation went on, even though he was pretty caught up in the "wow" factor of my tale, which to me didn't seem that insane. Actually, it involved nothing that could make someone sick, physically hurt, and it was perfectly legal. I found his reaction to be a bit strong but he self-identified as a sub and likely more spanking-based or something.
Near the end of the conversation, now after six in the morning, he asked about the "next step," which suggested that our conversation went well. I told him, as always, that we would have another chat to see if he was consistent in how he behaved in that chat, which I enjoyed. I do that because, as he illustrated today, subs can be quite selfish and spoiled and can change their behavior abruptly as they feel they do not get what they want. And the system works, lol.
I didn't chat with him again until today and he brought up the whole scenario we'd discussed before and began his diatribe by saying he didn't believe it, which pissed me off. After a back-and-forth over it, in which he attempted to backpedal, I told him to go away, as I do when someone shows their true colors in such a manner. And that is when he decided to tell me I was male. It was obvious that he wanted to get a dig in, but I do believe that he used the "must be a man" defense whenever someone dismissed him or didn't fix into his stereotypical mold. One of his reasons, as I explained before, was that I "typed" like a man. Thinking of our initial conversation, context came to mind.
Here is a portion of that original conversation:
Black(5:48 AM): anyway, I will give you one thing that someone told me was pretty disgusting
Black(5:48 AM): which I found rather tame
Black(5:49 AM): I had an older guy sub who I only fed_____________. I only had him for a week though
Black(5:49 AM): he didn't find it disgusting, someone else did
Black(5:49 AM): he loved it, actually, lol
jacksubjones(5:49 AM): you did that!!!!!!!!
jacksubjones(5:50 AM): how did he eat _________________? how did it get int there. i'm trying to picure the mechanics
Black(5:50 AM): yes but this was a sixty-something guy who was so used up that I had to find creative things for him to do
Black(5:52 AM): I would have another sub put the______________________________ and in a couple of hours I would get on my back, have him on his knees, and take the plug out. or I would sit on his face
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): OMG
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): that's so fucking out there
Black(5:52 AM): I thought it rather ingenious, myself, lol
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): i'm amazed on so many levels
jacksubjones(5:53 AM): i'm having a hard time understanding why you would want to be with such a wasted old man to begin with
Now, many of you will fill in the blanks, as it's not so hard to figure out. Granted, he seemed genuinely shocked, but look at the context. A man wants/gives details about such things to get off and a Woman simply shares a story. Also, everyone knows how I feel about older men who have been so used up and worked so admirably for their Dommes only to be traded in for a new model when they are too old to be attractive. Indeed, I take it as almost a duty to give them a bit of happiness when I meet a very good one, though it is often unrealistic to keep them forever as they can be too deeply programmed to their former Mistress' tastes.
So, for those of you who worry about if Dommes are men or not, I say to look at context. A dominant Woman is very different from an aggressive, likely masturbating, "dude" and understanding those - perhaps - small differences, though the above - in my opinion - would have been so much more graphic had a man who was trying to find masturbation bait would have been...which is what they are looking for, I guess.
That's my rant of the week...hey, I like that! I may do one each week, now that I look at it.
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