It isn't supposed to be fun...(?)

Somewhere in my last post I typed the phrase "it isn't supposed to be fun" (or something like that) and I had a sub ask me today, "well if it's not supposed to be fun, what is the point of it all?"

Tonight I was working on something else entirely and that question popped up in my head again. At the time I simply responded "that depends upon the person, I suppose," which led other places, because it was the kind of question that takes so much to respond to any satisfying degree. And for some, it is supposed to be fun, but I have absolutely no desire to spend any time with those sorts.

In the first post on this blog I spoke of the difference between pro-Dommes and lifestyle Dommes. Paying submissives are paying for a fantasy and paying for "fun." Those types can have a session tailor-made for their own kinks or fetishes and after a good spanking or whatever it is they want - even if they want a Domme to go to work on them however she sees fit - they can go home satisfied while the Domme might have satisfied her own sadistic urges but she may have gotten nothing out of it at all except money. [Some submissives love to call pro-Dommes whores for that reason, which of course is flawed logic as what I described is "work" at its core. It would be the same to say a masseuse or barber was a whore...but I digress.] But that is the trade-off for paying subs and pro Dommes. Like being fed a cracker when one is starving, it will do for the moment but it's not really satisfying.

For lifestyle subs, particularly slaves, the dynamic is totally different. The lifestyle slave is drawn to and fed by a deep, lasting submission that is not fun but necessary. The biggest (perhaps only) punishment for this type is to not be able to serve someone in that manner. The true slave does not look for fun but knows that there is beauty in sacrifice, hard work, and dedication. Even when such a slave is unowned, the desire is still strong and palpable for them and they do things, even small things, to try and serve when needed.

And of course, this type is more attractive than anyone else to its counterpart, the lifestyle Domme. I talk a lot about "types" of slaves and submissives, because the reality is there are many and they are compatible with their dominant counterpart (like the person who loves to give physical pain is a good match for those who love to receive it), but the theoretical slave - and best slave - is clay waiting to be molded into whatever its Domme desires. For me, the temptation is there to take a pain slut and turn it into something else entirely just to teach it that its desires are not its own, but the reality is there are many theoretical slaves who in practice have limits that are make-or-break and those are often the ones who want it to be "fun;" however they define it.

I cannot verify this and I have no idea if it is true or not, but in conversation a sub once said that Black Dommes are more "spiritual" about the D/s dynamic and much less sexual than other Dommes, particularly white ones. This sub was upset about this because he was physically attracted to Black Dommes but didn't like how they downplayed the sexual side of D/s. As I laughed, another sub said that his attraction to Black Dommes was based on the fact that he was more ritual-based and believed in the deeper parts of the D/s dynamic and found that he complemented that ideology. This sub wanted more than just a slap, tickle, or fuck, he said. This sub wanted something he could drown in emotionally. So perhaps that is a notable difference about "types" as well.

I will not argue, obviously, that even my theoretical "perfect" slave has a selfish reason at the base for why they want to be enslaved. I do not believe in altruism, particularly in submissives. But, fun is fleeting and easy while things that take lifetimes to develop and dedicate to have moments of pure bliss but are not roundly fun. For a pianist the concert is probably great fun but the lifetime of learning to play the damned thing and get to that level then maintain it is arduous work that is full of challenges. But the pianist plays because she must, not because she likes it - even if sometimes she does.

Who's Zooming Who?*

Something that occurred a while ago has been on my mind since, and I have been trying to ignore it because I simply didn’t feel like typing up a lengthy post about it. However, that experience really helps to explain why what I am planning is so important, in my opinion.

Weeks ago I was interviewing a potential, which is a process that takes hours and so I try to break it up into two or three days usually, and I liked him but I felt like something was missing. I knew he was older and that he was new to the lifestyle and that made me very wary. We had passed the direct Q&A session and had entered the guided discussion phase when suddenly he said something that proved he was not right for me. What did he say? That he could never serve a man or even an “alpha slave” and he was quite serious about it.

Now this person considered himself limitless and all of the “usual limits” (you know the ones) were fine with him, which I always appreciate. I asked him if the “never serving men” thing was a limit and… ‘lo and behold it was! I told him, very truthfully, that I found that totally unacceptable on the principle that I am only interested in limitless subs and we said our goodbyes. Had it ended there I would have been fine, because, while I did really like him, I am totally intolerant of LIFETIME subs with limits. Limits are for part-timers and boys who pay as their consolation prize, in my opinion, of missing the deepest connection possible - that of a life-timer. Unfortunately, it didn’t end there.

You see, this particular sub couldn’t help himself. I am sure he was angry at the abruptness of my decision and at the fact that something that seemed to him to be relatively minor could be such a big deal. So he sent me an email which basically said “The next time I choose a Mistress I will make sure she is a real Female Supremacist and would never let a man have any say at all,” which was one of the stupidest things he could have said. Do you know why?

To suggest that a Female is not a “true” Female Supremacist because she won’t allow a man his limit(s) is missing the complete point. A Woman is allowed anything she wants, as I see it, including having an alpha sub/slave. Here is the kicker: I have never had, nor do I want an alpha slave of any sort. It is simply the principle: I would have made him follow a male sub/slave simply to rid him of the limit, bring him closer to his true self, and allow him to learn a valuable lesson: he doesn’t make any rules.

I did tell him that I would have made him follow another as I said above and explained it as I did above when I told him he was excused. That irritated his manhood, as he felt he was too good, I’m sure, to serve another man: an obvious (and flawed) limit. I don’t think I would have had the same issue with an experienced sub/slave but I have a soft spot for older subs and I tend to give them my attention more than ones in my own age range (and I know, I should stop discriminating).

That scenario really helped me see that there are too many theories of Female Supremacy, Black Supremacy, and Black Female Supremacy. It helped make me sure that I need to be on a soapbox shouting my own views. And here I am.

The situation reiterated the importance of thorough interviews and screenings because I can only imagine what would happen if he is taken and then his Mistress finds out about his limit!

Finally, that experience made me think of limits in general; why subs have them, what they are based on, and why they are important to be offered to a Domme as a show of devotion, in order to rid the submissive of them in Her honor. What are yours?

* Proper grammar be damned; it's a song.