**Temporary!**

I have been split several ways for the last couple of months and noticed that I have been a bit stressed at the pressure I put on myself to get everything done. I've been trying to consider what can be trimmed for a couple of weeks now and I've decided to suspend the yahoo group for a month or two.

The idea of the group, and membership, hangs like a carrot over some of the subs I interview. But in truth, the number of members has fluctuated greatly and since it requires one-on-one time, plus planning time, and moderation time for me, it is just too time consuming at the moment. I am actually going to tweak it more in the next month and make it more...purposeful in the process.

On the up side, I have been working on the site more and I have a layout that I actually like. I am going to put up a bare-bones version this week and (hopefully) I will spend some of the time I'd spent on the group on the website, as that will be a static item crossed off the "to do" list and when it is complete I will have less on my mind.

I am preparing to relocate and the snow did a great job of initially stopping my progress and some sense of inertia did the rest. I started to feel homesick even before I left, actually, which was an unexpected feeling. Yet, it's an overdue move and a necessary one, and one that will take some time (I am moving to another state). I will still be here at least weekly, however, as it has become a way to de-stress for me. I continue to receive positive feedback and I do appreciate it.

It is rainy today, which is matching my "blah" and somewhat sad mood. It is the perfect day to listen to Nina's version of "Here Comes the Sun" while awaiting its return. The clouds do part, you know.

And you are? (pt 1)

What do you really think about Black people? I mean really, when you think of "Black Woman" or "Black man," what pops up in your head? What about "African-American" Woman or man? Indian? Asian? white? caucasian? How similar is your mental image for "Hawaiian" and "Pacific Islander"?

We all have our own connotations of whatever labels we use. We look at the world through glasses that are colored by our experience and our points of view. We take those things and turn them inward, and we shape ourselves accordingly.

This can be easily validated in the world of D/s. The difference between “sub” and “slave” is telling. The difference between “alpha slave” and “switch” can be insignificant or huge, depending on who’s using the terms. And the same, of course, is true for Dommes.

This past week I’ve pondered that concept a lot. There was a “slave,” for example, whose profile said “if you call yourself a Goddess or a Princess, do not message me.” I thought about what he meant a bit, and though I wasn’t offended and actually agree that “Princess” is a strange title for a Domme, I did find it to be a totally un-slavelike thing to say.

The second scenario was a “sub” who wants to be fully transformed into a slave.. I often tell new potentials to create email addresses, specifically to use in our correspondence. This particular sub chose an address that began with two words in two languages that mean king and ended it with a rather generic “yours” or something. I found it absurd. Of course, his response to questioning was equally absurd. Apparently he believed that he should express that though he was quite privileged he would be mine. And he didn’t use “slave” because he didn’t want to be presumptuous, as he was whatever I deemed, after all. I allowed him another chance and he failed again and that was that.

Now, as it relates to the titles Dommes use, I feel similarly to how I feel about the use of sub and slave. A Domme is the lot of us, but I consider a “Goddess” to be self-actualized much in the same way that I consider a “slave” to be. To me, a Mistress is simply an owner of slaves and a “Queen” is right before Goddess, in the sense of growing towards something. A “Princess” to me reads as a switch or a female alpha slave as her title suggests that someone is ahead of her

But that is my opinion based on my own life and experience, and they have certainly shaped my world. I did not call myself a Goddess or a Queen or even a Domme the first times. But I knew that the transition from Domme, to Queen, to Goddess would be work. For years between teenaged to mid-twenties I stayed at “Queen.” There were certain things that I was afraid of accepting or doing that were inescapable in order to earn the title Goddess.

I smoked cigarettes for years, entirely addicted, and I hated that as it showed I lacked the discipline to quit. And how could I teach anyone else discipline on such a deep level if I had not mastered it myself? I had trepidations at the idea of “coming out of the closet” to everyone I knew, which I didn’t feel I had to do as a Queen. I wasn’t sure even if I could say “forever” and mean it to a slave, and that was obviously important. I thought, maybe I would turn 40 and decide I wanted a husband and kids…then what? And I had never played a submissive role in a relationship. Ever.

As a “Queen” I could have contracts and I could always rip them up before the date I’d set, myself. As a Queen I could have limits. As a Queen I could always change my mind.

At some point I decided to test out a “vanilla” life. I got rid of all my kink and decided to “fall in love” with my best male friend, a submissive guy but not a “submissive,” who’d always been in love with me, moved in and settled down. And I worked HARD at being submissive. Poor darling, I worried him to death. I hadn’t thought about the fact that he was originally drawn to me because I was dominant. He didn’t know how to react to the power I pushed on him.

It was over in six months. It actually ended with a fist fight between the two of us, in which I threw the first and last punches. But those six months taught me so much that to this day, years later, I appreciate every day of that experience. I could relate to subs in a way I had never been able to as I had been there before. I could see, also, how much responsibility it took to be a Domme from the perspective of the one who depended upon the dominance of another. And I appreciated who I am and who subs are more than ever.

It seems like almost everything was easy after that. I wish I could say that quitting smoking was something that took a lot of discipline and patience but in reality it didn’t. One day I just knew I didn’t need them anymore and put the one I was smoking out. It was the same attitude I used when met with a variety of issues that had once been challenges, because I understood that I had no choice in being a Domme or a “regular” woman and there was no going back. When subs speak of the need, I can relate.

I expect more from myself than ever. And yes, I get frustrated with myself when I am angered by something or someone that I should be beyond. I take myself to task if I worry about what someone thinks of me, or compare myself to other women, or consider bending my principles.

Of all the things I learned over those six months, I suppose I am happiest that I made peace with the “nice” and maternal version of myself. For a while I was unsure of how that fit in the otherwise dominant woman. I felt almost ashamed of being sensitive to the fact that, yes, I was attracted to seeing a crawling, pained man coming towards me in absolute bliss because it made me want to stroke and torture him. I thought for a while that “We” were supposed to kick instead of stretch and cut instead of scratch deeply and leisurely. Popping a nipple into the mouth of a sub while hurting him was something I was bothered by, even though I loved it.

Being a Goddess meant no more “Us” and instead simply me. I have no peers in the sense that I live the life I gave something up for and it is mine alone. Whatever other Dommes do, whatever the subs who are not under me like, whatever the “community” uses to define the D and the s have nothing at all to do with who I am and what I like. I earned my title the hard way and I don’t intend to be anything different or anything less…even when it’s hard.

And you are?

(Part 1 is dedicated to a sissy who will one day be a slave [take care] and a bitch who was once a pig and is being born today, on its birthday [welcome])

Context Matters

Today I was accused of being male by an online sub for the very first time and it bothered me greatly. Not so much being called a male, because I think Domme Women deal with that from time to time, but primarily because I apparently "type like a man," which made me think of what he could possibly mean and the difference between males and Females in how we communicate.

First, I will explain the circumstances. I have found that online I appear too "nice" which leads some to believe I am looking for a lapdog. In fact, I am quite sadistic and very kinky but I don't wear it on my sleeve, per se, as I have always been that way so it's nothing to shout about. In speaking with me in real time, I think many subs become hurt that I am not as sweet as they expected. In this case, I was in a very mellow mood and a bit stir-crazy from being trapped in the house for days on end due to the snow. I wanted to enjoy a leisurely chat about nothing in particular because I had spent so much time thinking and typing for this blog and other things. I wanted to get off of theory and back to my own reality.

So, this sub and I began a discussion which led to upsets via online "meetings" and we both shared a few horror stories. While I had varying kinds, his seemed to all be of the "and then I found out 'she' was a guy" variety, which seemed a bit odd but I have never really asked a sub about such things and it sounded likely. The conversation went to him discussing how he could tell a Domme was a guy, based on certain criteria that included how kinky "she" was. That made me think about how I seem outside of actual conversation and I described how I tended to appear more "ladylike" until one really got to know me and how - I believe I used the term "depraved" - I can be. From there we naturally started discussing the kinkiest things we did and I guess mine trumped his, in retrospect.

Now, by this time we'd discussed all sorts of things, from our educations, political beliefs, future plans, etc and I was quite comfortable with telling him something I consider private as I did. And the conversation went on, even though he was pretty caught up in the "wow" factor of my tale, which to me didn't seem that insane. Actually, it involved nothing that could make someone sick, physically hurt, and it was perfectly legal. I found his reaction to be a bit strong but he self-identified as a sub and likely more spanking-based or something.

Near the end of the conversation, now after six in the morning, he asked about the "next step," which suggested that our conversation went well. I told him, as always, that we would have another chat to see if he was consistent in how he behaved in that chat, which I enjoyed. I do that because, as he illustrated today, subs can be quite selfish and spoiled and can change their behavior abruptly as they feel they do not get what they want. And the system works, lol.

I didn't chat with him again until today and he brought up the whole scenario we'd discussed before and began his diatribe by saying he didn't believe it, which pissed me off. After a back-and-forth over it, in which he attempted to backpedal, I told him to go away, as I do when someone shows their true colors in such a manner. And that is when he decided to tell me I was male. It was obvious that he wanted to get a dig in, but I do believe that he used the "must be a man" defense whenever someone dismissed him or didn't fix into his stereotypical mold. One of his reasons, as I explained before, was that I "typed" like a man. Thinking of our initial conversation, context came to mind.

Here is a portion of that original conversation:

Black(5:48 AM): anyway, I will give you one thing that someone told me was pretty disgusting
Black(5:48 AM): which I found rather tame
Black(5:49 AM): I had an older guy sub who I only fed_____________. I only had him for a week though
Black(5:49 AM): he didn't find it disgusting, someone else did
Black(5:49 AM): he loved it, actually, lol
jacksubjones(5:49 AM): you did that!!!!!!!!
jacksubjones(5:50 AM): how did he eat _________________? how did it get int there. i'm trying to picure the mechanics
Black(5:50 AM): yes but this was a sixty-something guy who was so used up that I had to find creative things for him to do
Black(5:52 AM): I would have another sub put the______________________________ and in a couple of hours I would get on my back, have him on his knees, and take the plug out. or I would sit on his face
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): OMG
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): that's so fucking out there
Black(5:52 AM): I thought it rather ingenious, myself, lol
jacksubjones(5:52 AM): i'm amazed on so many levels
jacksubjones(5:53 AM): i'm having a hard time understanding why you would want to be with such a wasted old man to begin with

Now, many of you will fill in the blanks, as it's not so hard to figure out. Granted, he seemed genuinely shocked, but look at the context. A man wants/gives details about such things to get off and a Woman simply shares a story. Also, everyone knows how I feel about older men who have been so used up and worked so admirably for their Dommes only to be traded in for a new model when they are too old to be attractive. Indeed, I take it as almost a duty to give them a bit of happiness when I meet a very good one, though it is often unrealistic to keep them forever as they can be too deeply programmed to their former Mistress' tastes.

So, for those of you who worry about if Dommes are men or not, I say to look at context. A dominant Woman is very different from an aggressive, likely masturbating, "dude" and understanding those - perhaps - small differences, though the above - in my opinion - would have been so much more graphic had a man who was trying to find masturbation bait would have been...which is what they are looking for, I guess.

That's my rant of the week...hey, I like that! I may do one each week, now that I look at it.

Nice chair!

Objectification. Some are very afraid of this topic because it can go from basic (like a chair), to odd (like a trashcan), to potentially disgusting (like a toilet). Others only want to be one thing: a human sex toy. Unfortunately for those types, most Dommes need more than a dildo or gaped hole. This sort of work - on a slave’s behalf - really separates the part-timers from the life-timers, as being used as an object for any length of time requires real training. Imagine the 65 year old slave with a full-figured Domme who uses him as a chair while she eats. That is work that some would be yelling a safe word by minute two, but under its Mistress a slave finds purpose and peace.

A quick note on “toilets”: This post is not about toilet training. I will make it very clear, however, that if you have hard limits such as toilet-duty, you must ask any potential new owner to clarify if they say they are into objectification. Some Dommes will simply say they are looking for a toilet slaves, others - often on purpose - simply say they want objects so as not to scare away potentials. It is the responsibility of the slave to find these things out prior to being owned; I cannot stress that idea enough.

So why does a Domme need a chair or an ashtray or footstool? From day to day she probably doesn’t. What objectification highlights, as opposed to broad submission, is utility in a slave. Can it be part of a humiliation, degradation, or punishment training? Of course! But the slave is demonstrating that it is can be used in a variety of ways that are helpful and pleasing. I smoked for years and I could never stand seeing ashes curled up in an ashtray so having a slave to deposit them into was very useful. One of my favorite examples of objectification is actually on an episode of Arrested Development, in which the family matriarch uses her adopted prepubescent son as a purse because her outfit requires she go purse-less. That is a useful, novel, and simple way to be an object.

Chairs are perhaps the best example because they put a slave close to its source of greatest pleasure (the vagina and/or ass of its Domme) and is similar to queening so there is an obvious and comforting connection for both owner and slave. The slave can often “bear up” nicely because it is such a warm and delightful place to be. Toilet service, whether partial or full, can theoretically cause a similar sense of well-being in a slave with the addition to degradation, which can either heighten the experience for the slave or make what would otherwise be a wonderful experience a horrible one (which, frankly, is even better for some dear slaves).

Because this topic is a lengthy one and contains a lot of possibilities I am keeping it short as I may go deeper in depth with kinds of objects in future posts.

I am adding a picture to today’s post that I found at a site that a little sub with aspirations towards enslavement sent to me. The artist is Alex Chapmon and link to his work is here. It was the inspiration for today’s post. Enjoy.

The Basics.

There are many practices I believe are extremely important for the owned sub in order to grow and develop its potential. In order to paint with a broad brush I will outline some of them here:

1. Chastity

2. Cuckolding

3. Bisexuality

4. Body modification (to varying degrees)

5. Objectification

6. Caning/whipping

7. Torture/humiliation

8. CBT

9. Bondage

10. Ritual

These ten basics represent some of the foundations of a slave. Some of them, like numbers seven and eight, may appear to be very similar (as CBT is a form of torture) and others may seem to be specifics of larger listed themes (some would say cuckolding and forced bi are kinds of humiliation, for example), while some practices that some would consider “musts” are missing (cross-dressing or forced feminization) and some that I consider musts aren’t to others (rituals, for example). This should let you know that it is all relative.

If I had to pick five from the list that are 100% musts they would be numbers 1-3, 6, and 10. But it is very, very hard for me to pick just five. Potentials always want to know what is in store for them and this list is a good start. Of course there are other things a slave must learn to do that depend upon their use, like body worship, massage, anal training, etc (all of which I am wholeheartedly a proponent of), but that use really should come after an arduous training program that includes the practices listed.

And initial training programs are totally necessary. It takes time and focus to break a sub and “reprogram” it to be what it aspires to. Any good training program uses the above thoughtfully and with dedication, even if the sub is a lifetime slave with decades of experience. It simply has to be taught how to exist under its new conditions and for its new owners. Dommes who don’t methodically train their slaves really do them a disservice and sadly disregard the nature of the relationship and both parties: slaves WANT to submit and NEED proper training, just as Dommes need to know what they’re doing and what works.

Of course, my own training program is personal and wouldn’t necessarily be helpful for anyone other than me. That part of the discussion will happen at the group, for the “hardcore” followers and not the casual readers, as I don’t think it’s really good for un-owned slaves to believe they know what to expect from their training or use based on something that someone else does. It is up to the slave’s Domme and the sub must place its trust in her hands.

The list will be discussed one by one in upcoming posts, though in no particular order and not necessarily on a weekly basis as I have other topics to discuss. One of them, chastity, has already been covered. Some of the more taboo topics will be covered at the yahoo group as they are not for everyone. Indeed, the discussions on all topics will be discussed in a much more personal way, and I expect members to take part. For the casual reader, I assure you there will be more than enough information here.

Kidnapping, Breeding, & Blackmail

---This month I am going to try and cram a lot about my own belief system on BFS into the posts so as to coincide with Black History Month. I have been trying to integrate my beliefs there with other themes in the D/s framework, so there are a lot of segues. Luckily I have been essentially "snowed in" (though I've been dragging it out), so I have been able to write pretty much constantly lately and I have been getting all sorts of things done other than the things that will appear here. There will be more than weekly posts this month. I expect to lose some of you along the way, as I get deeper into what I actually believe in, and I am not for everyone. ---

There are some subs who want to be “forced” into slavery. These subs often have intricate fantasies of exactly how they will be caught, kidnapped, and made to serve. I know some of you instantly know my major problem with those sorts…yes, they are examples of a slave picking its slavery instead of being open to whatever its owner desires. More than that, it is unrealistic. Why? You can’t force someone to do what they want you to do, and are begging for.

This is very similar to my thoughts on the foolishness some Black Female Supremacists (and Black Supremacists) tout on owning white slaves. How silly is it to say something along the lines of “we are enslaving them for enslaving us for hundreds of years,” when you are “enslaving” someone who wants to be enslaved? Consensual slavery is not chattel slavery in the least - even if the model of how the slave is treated is the same - because the slave wants to be enslaved! That is a MAJOR difference. So those who say they are “getting even” when they have a white guy who is in pure heaven while getting his forty lashes or whatever, are ridiculous; you aren't fighting injustice so why pretend? Be dominant; let your own needs be enough of a reason for why you do what you do!

Blackmail is similar. I can understand how the extra “insurance” could seem useful to some, but consensual slavery is a legal minefield anyway, and that sort of thing blurs the line and can really hurt the Domme involved in the end. Because, of course, blackmail is illegal. So, if a sub has blackmail and/or kidnapping in mind for some fantasy enslavement, they are saying “I don’t really trust myself to stay at your heels” or “I think about this to jerk off and either I have no desire to go through with it or I can only do it if completely forced,” and neither of those statements are desirable. There are enough very willing slaves who have the right mindset and can be used in ways that can titillate a Domme’s need for adventure if she has it, on her terms.

Now of course there are 100% real black-market slaves in this day and age, often who are taken as children and made to work in insufferable conditions. I am entirely against that sort of thing. Nor would I ever breed slaves to have a second (or more) generation of slaves, because it is no longer consensual at that point, obviously, for the children involved. I think those sorts of things are heinous and they do absolutely nothing for me. As a dominant, I am attracted to submissive people, and though I do love “breaking” someone into being a slave, it is a process of showing a submissive person their truest selves and it is a beautiful thing, not something as ugly and negative as actual non-consensual slavery.

And the distinction is extremely necessary. A slave should want to protect its Domme from the severe scrutiny and hatred they can face from a populace that doesn’t understand the difference. The Domme (or dom) in any situation can be made out to be a monster while the sub is seen as a poor, brainwashed, misguided soul, which anyone in the life knows is entirely false. It is really up to subs to be as vocal as possible when necessary to people outside of the lifestyle about the truth of the dynamic so that everyone in the lifestyle is protected. Unfortunately, people seem to think Dommes are selfish megalomaniacs, which is more often than not totally not the case at all. Weirdly, "normal" people seem to be able to relate to that concept, however, which says something about them, in my opinion.

Hey, it's Black History Month!

I love February. It is probably my most nostalgic month of the year. As a child, I hated Black History Month. Why? Because in school we had to learn about Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, and MLK for the millionth time. Not that I had any problem with either of them. Quite the opposite. What bothered me was the glossing-over of their stories, their struggles, and the struggle.

In my household, every month was Black History Month. I knew more than my teachers - no matter their race - about the topics they presented in crossword puzzles and stupid quizzes. Black History Month bothered me because it was basically pointless. You can belittle a person or idea that you may honestly mean to uplift if you aren't careful. I couldn't figure out then why they couldn't pick someone other than those three or someone in addition to those three - though they did in small doses. A little Shirley Chisholm would have been interesting, as far as "safe bets" went, I always thought.

As I aged and we were allowed to pick our own people to write about I enjoyed BHM a lot more. I loved to teach, even then, and so I picked interesting people with interesting stories. A lot of my teachers started out afraid that I would be "too radical" which was rather silly, in my opinion, but they soon learned that I had a real interest simply in showing different, dynamic people.

And so began my love affair with Black History Month. I realized then that I could use the month as a time to reflect, consider, and evolve in my own life. It became the start to my personal year and at this point in my life I don't really feel solidly like the new year has begun until 2/1. The silly McDonald's-sponsored Black History Month commercials and all don't even bother me anymore....well, at least not as much as they used to.

In February I always have my personal subs spend some time learning about one of my favorite "notable Black people," and they learn a lot and sometimes even teach me something new. I sometimes make them read one of my favorite books to complement the endeavor. I challenge you guys, the casual readers, to do something similar. Pick a "notable Black person" who you've wondered what all the fuss was about, and find out! Learn as much as you can about them and then answer the question: what was all the fuss about? Of course, you may not have a person who you've ever wondered such about. In that case, pick a "radical". You can never go wrong there. Look up Angela Davis or Assata Shakur or George Jackson or someone along those lines - and I am trying not put a whole list here - and really read their stories. See them as people and see what you think.

For those who are actually desire to be into BFS, however, this should be the start of a lifelong endeavor. All the best to you, either way.