Rejection sucks**

I was going to write about key-holding but decided to change it. I actually went through several other topics before I settled down on this one.

In the past 24 hours I have rejected three submissives for three different reasons and the three subs involved were at different points in their relationship with me. As I sat here staring at the other topics I had typed about for today’s post, I realized that my mind was on the nuances of rejection in the D/s relationship. The three subs in today’s experiences are good illustrations of some major themes in the discussion.

The first sub I rejected I had been in contact with for only a few weeks. I was wary of him as he had shown some obviously aggressive behaviors early on and I decided conclusively that he was not right today. The second sub was a much more submissive type in some ways, but he had the clear problem of fulfilling his assignments, if at all, much too late and too shoddily. The first sub generally fulfilled his assignments, but his assignments had a deeper meaning as tests, which he failed.

The third sub was one that I rejected a while ago for his extremely aggressive nature. This particular sub was quite pushy and was given clear boundaries that he broke immediately for the sake of his own self-interest. I rejected him in the sense that I told him, yet again, that I wanted nothing to do with him. In this instance he approached me as if for the first time, and it is possible that he believed it was, though he has used all sorts of tactics in the past.

I have to reject people pretty often, because it is my job as a Domme to be aware of what is best for me and any potential. Assuming that every online sub who contacts me is 100% sincere, it only makes sense that only a few would be actually compatible with me, and vice versa. Sometimes it is easy to spot a non-compatible sub: maybe they desire to be caged 24/7 or completely transformed into women, or have some other deep desire on which their submission is based that I am not into. But more often it is personality, beliefs, or something that takes time to correctly identify.

As such, I dedicate a lot of time to interviewing and testing potentials. It is extremely rare for anyone to get to the point of being actually owned by me as I am every bit as picky as I should be. And it is designed to be a lengthy and tiresome process, as slavery is not supposed to be “fun” and I am always happy when someone finally shows their true nature and can be rejected in good faith.

I do not reject people in anger, nor am I rude. I have no reason to be either. On the other hand, the vast majority of subs react in two basic ways. The first is to try very hard to convince me that they are indeed worthy. This can last for a short time, as it did for the second sub I discussed above, or be ongoing, as the third sub illustrates. More frequent, and often what occurs after a sub has tried to convince me otherwise, is blatant disrespect.

Some subs love to show their balls, so to speak, after being rejected by saying things meant to hurt. This is expected, especially from certain types, like the first sub I discussed. What they never seem to realize is a simple truth about Dommes: once we decide we don’t want someone, there is nothing they can do to be accepted back or to anger us. I actually allow subs to say whatever they want in order to deal with their anger and get over it at that point, just because it is better that way. Nothing one can say can actually anger me, instead they simply prove that I made the right decision.

This is not to say, however, that it is easy for me to reject potentials. In theory, I want to accept everyone and it would be great if everyone was my perfect match and could give me 110% of their devotion. But I make peace with my decision before I tell them that they are not what I need and vice versa, because I must be sure of my own decisions. I can understand the frustration a submissive feels at rejection and I get no joy out of it.

For the submissives who actually want to make a lasting impression, nothing tugs at a Domme's heart strings than a sub who is good, deeply submissive, and extremely respectful until the end (and beyond). Those are the subs who make you wonder from time to time if you made the right decision. I once ran into a sub I’d rejected a year or so prior at a dry cleaners (this was a real-time sub, obviously) and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him, as humble and respectful as ever, and almost acquiesced when he made an offer (which is another topic entirely).

But that is rare. It is also rare for a sub to get deeply upset when they are rejected but there are those types who will have a vendetta against a Domme who rejects them. A friend of mine, a transsexual Domme, was beaten nearly to death by a sub she rejected. We all have our horror stories, in fact, about subs who went a bit nuts when they were rejected. Unfortunately, no matter how nicely that sort is let down, they are likely to react in an outrageous way.

I received a message from another sub I had previously rejected today. This particular sub went so far as to create another screen name and go into a whole thing under that identity in order to eventually hurt me. Of course, this person never said “Hey, I’m _________” but he didn’t have to as I knew pretty early on. While I dealt with the “other” sub, I never bothered to address that facet of the situation because I knew he would never admit it anyway. And when I received the message today from that sub, I did what it is always best to do with those sorts; I deleted the message without reading it.

** There will be a bonus post this upcoming week as I have written about a few topics. That one will be more impersonal and theory-based. The goal here is to find a balance between my personal rants and the actual, useful information and discussion about the lifestyle and beyond.