2011 is Almost Over...

Hey guys!

This has been one hell of a year for me, particularly in that I have been near comatose the entire year. I have done a lot in other worlds but near nothing in this particular spectrum. And I have to say that it’s been bittersweet.

For me this year was a mentally active one but a physically inactive one – in ways that frankly surprised me. So much has been going on in the world that I have been captivated by the world, as opposed to my own mini-universe. Gabrielle Giffords, the Arab Spring, the ongoing economic downturn in the West, Gaddaffi and Libya, the shooting in Germany, the Obama/Trump fiasco (was that even this year? It seems like ages ago), Herman Cain, OWS (and all the other, similar movements), and a host of other dramas. It seemed like every month, week, day, hour included something interesting and thought provoking. My time, attention, and thoughts have been elsewhere, and I have the extra weight to prove it (yikes!).

At the same time, my personal life has been transitional. I’m currently considering going back to school and/or moving abroad for a while. I am not well-travelled (outside of the continental US and north and south of here) but I have always had great interest in the larger world and the absolute best thing about the internet, in my opinion, is the ability to cross the imaginary lines that separate cultures and chat with people around the world. The inspiration has always been there but I couldn’t pick a worse time to get out and about, in some ways, with the varied instabilities in places I’d like to experience. So, I’m on the fence.

Anywho, the slaveboy is doing okay, though I tend to feel sorry for him because I haven’t paid him much kinky attention. I must say, he’s basically just been a day-to-day “pleasing Ma’am” boy for the longest, but I think it’s been good for him, in some ways, to focus on getting the things I like right. The other day I did get out the sounds and give him a treat, though.

As far as the professional side goes, I have been damned inactive. I realized that I felt pressure to expand when I didn’t have the strong desire to put in the effort, so, as you know, I stopped. Someone asked me not too long ago if the business was recession-proof, and I really didn’t know. And it shocked me just how removed I am/was. Getting online as Domme was an interesting transition because I was always the sort with a good base of regular clients and not one who had ever tried to expand in the “real world” because I only have so much time and I like to keep it open for other things.

Going online for BDSM was reminiscent of when I first got a computer as a teenager and got addicted to AOL and chatting, lol. There were communities and people, and all these subs and I wanted the vast majority of them! It took a while for the novelty to wear off, but when it did I had to look at how much I could do and what would actually work best for me. Honestly, I’m still unsure. I am a Domme who strongly believes than many subs NEED to be useful and used in order to fully develop and be at their best, and to live fruitful and happy lives. I therefore see my role as a useful one and I always want to help every sad, lonely sub. But, I can’t do it for free for everyone because there are just too many and many of them are spread out. As a professional Domme in “real life” I can only see/interact with a select few and it’s so much easier than trying to figure out how and when to handle the needs of subs who can’t get to me easily, not to mention everyone wants freebies.

So, I’m in a research phase right now to see what I want to do, what I can do, if and how the recession has shaped the business, and what the marketplace is looking like these days. If I can’t make something work I won’t bother, but that tingle I get from my work is still there and I do sort of miss it. I might pass around some surveys or something after I get some more research done, and I will want you guys to provide some feedback! Be good.

Happy New Year (kinda).

Okay, so I've been busy. Too busy, really, but life is like that. I realized how long it's been since I've bothered to sign in when I actually---and totally---forgot my password here. But it's been reset and I'm here. So, you're welcome (wink).

I don't have much to discuss today. So much of life is adjustment, and it's not really my strong suit. I can gripe on and on about how much my day-to-day life is not what I want it to be, but it's all really my responsibility and my fault when things are in disarray. This is an obvious part of adulthood but it's really major with a Domme.

A couple of days ago I asked my slave what he could change about our relationship. It wasn't a loaded question, but I was very curious. I had to laugh at his answer because he wanted to serve more. And I looked at the past few months and really thought about how little I have made him do in terms of personal service. Of course he does the basic things that are necessities, but I haven't had him serve in all of the lovely and personal ways in which I trained him to serve and brought us both satisfaction. And that is a fault of mine.

In truth, the move and the family gatherings the winter season is known for took tolls on me. All of the things necessary to relocate someone are time-consuming, soul-draining exercises. And now, when things have calmed down a bit, looking in the mirror is hard. I've gained weight! My skin looks dry! My nails aren't done! And I remember that I forgot to look after me.

Isn't that kind of ironic? It made me think that being a caregiver is hard, no matter what your title is. And, yes, a Domme does give care, though not perhaps in the most blatant ways. Training a slave is the easy part, but creating a new environment, options, and a life for a slave is hard, hard work.

But now I am attempting to get back to me. And by "me" I really mean back to my own goals and life outside of ensuring that he has the tools necessary to do what he needs to. It's time to trust my own work in getting him prepared and him to be able to do what he needs to when he's not in my presence and work on what makes me happy now, especially as it relates to my overall health. That, in essence, is my "resolution" for the year. What is yours?

Oh, I made a Twitter account for the times when I have something to say and I don't feel like typing as much as I did today. I'm Goddess Emme there if you'd like to "follow" me, and I will one day think about the website again. I may clear the lines on Niteflirt but my pro work is suspended until I look in the mirror and wink at myself, lol.

Be good.