Early in the morning (In the middle of the night)...

It’s almost 3:30am and I am lying in bed, worrying. At my feet my little slave pup is sleeping soundly, curled around my feet, and snoring every now and again. For him, the night ended after oral service and expression of devotion, and he is dreaming little slave-dreams and preparing for his tomorrow, in the literal and figurative sense.

For me, it is much more difficult than all that. In less than two weeks, he leaves his home and starts a new job in another state. This represents a major step in his enslavement, and though he will miss the life he lived here, he is excited at what is ahead. I worry that the transition may not be as smooth as it has to be. I worry that this temporary position he starts in two weeks may not segue into another position soon enough and there will be a gap in his income. This worries me because my money is drying up and this major step he will soon be taking is one in which I no longer stand behind him with an open wallet, “just in case.” He becomes a full slave, and the only source of my income, if only temporarily, in a few week’s time.


Two weeks. Before I know it the day will come to say goodbye to this place and move on. Today my little slave confided that he is a bit scared and he will miss this house, the one he’s lived in for six years. Yet, he knows he has someone to slave for; a higher purpose. In fact, he got the very first job he interviewed for and the job he wanted, the job he begged to be allowed to apply to back when I first made the decision that he was coming to me. During his devotional, he expressed, as he has before, that he is happier than he has ever been. I am happy for him, but afraid.

This month I said I would write about duality. For a Domme, nights like these can weigh heavy. You groom a slave to follow as blindly as you desire it to but you understand that you offer to never lead them astray, though you may never say it. Ultimately, I am the “brains” behind this operation, though the snoring slave at my feet, who is about to get kicked in the nuts, does the work. That is the opposite side of the coin for a Domme and it is yang for the yin of dedicated service. The fulfillment for a slave is letting go of its own desires and working towards its owner’s, while giving up the privilege of selfishness. Yet, they give up the burden of complete responsibility too, and that burden is transferred to its owner.

Obviously, I don’t take it lightly and I mostly confident in our future. After his two months of temporary employment I know he will work hard to find something and work as many jobs as I require him to. When the sun rises, so will my general sense of knowing what’s best and I will make the decisions that need to be made and my slave will say “yes ma’am” and act upon them. Tomorrow I will be a Mistress. It’s late, I’m tired, and my period isn’t helping anything. I will think clearly tomorrow. But, tonight I worry.

I appreciate the slave at my feet and the life I have planned for him. I just wish he had more money.

Duality in June

For me May was almost everything I wanted it to be. I got nothing really done about the site or anything of the sort, but I ate too much, came too much, slept too much, traveled too much, and enjoyed myself a lot. On the negative side, I was lax with the slave because I was so focused on me, and it showed through some of him behaviors and the punishments he received (and, to be frank, some of the punishments he didn’t receive but should have). It was a lazy month, and I am glad I had it, because it looks like June will be busy.

Looking back at my music posts I see three posts that I scheduled never went through. I am backdating two of them and saving the third for later, as I want to review the song a bit more than I initially did, as it is actually two renditions of the same song. That will be the theme for this month, the month of duality, in honor of my Mother who is a Gemini.

So, this month I will be writing about things with dual themes. Aside from that music post I also plan to post a review for some D/s stuff from my perspective and my slave’s perspective, as I think that would be useful for my little slave-readers, and a couple more. I also intend to focus on quality more than quantity, as I sometimes rush myself to post something that I’m not entirely happy with. This month I only expect to write three original posts for the blog for my four posts of the month, which will allow me some time to hopefully edit some drafts to my satisfaction, which may be added as bonuses.

On the topic of drafts, I am currently typing on my backup travel computer, my mini-notebook, as my usual laptop suffered a virus last month and is stuck on the BSoD. I don’t have access to old files right now, as my backups are at my “other” house on my desktop, in another state. Everything I was working on came screeching to a halt as a result, but I didn’t feel like going through the headache of fixing it, as I was enjoying my laziness. I plan on fixing the laptop this week, however. I may also be settled (finally) in another state, as my slave may have gotten a job he recently interviewed for, which will certainly be a great thing, while also making June a month with a lot going on in my life, so, fair warning.

In May, on Memorial Day, as I always I thought of all the “soldiers” we’ve lost who fought many of the battles that needed to be fought. I am and believe in many things, and therefore I had a lot to think about and a lot of lives to appreciate. As always, Malcolm X is one person whose life I think of constantly in May, and particularly on Memorial Day, as his birthday was May 19. I have been thinking I may add a post about him this month, as the man who assassinated him was recently released after serving a 44 year sentence. It’s an interesting topic, and I may or may not be ready to write about it emotionally.

Memorial Day is a great “holiday,” in my opinion, as it has its wider meaning of “in memoriam” and how it is celebrated, particularly the grilling, reminds me of sending burnt offers to ancient Gods and Goddesses. I consider my personal ones during that time, and my slave sent up burnt offerings of his own to me by way of the grill and some overcooked chicken he was so excited to prepare, without recognizing his own limitations with the grill…But, I appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

Music & Female Supremacy: Suffocated Love

This is a good one. One of my favorite female artists is Bjork, and one of my favorite male artists is Tricky. Tricky is generally known as a “trip-hop” artist. This song is one of my favorites from his first solo album Maxinquaye. This is a highly-sexualized song, and I tend to think of it as the pro-Domme anthem, as the dynamic is too sexualized and too selfish for it to be an outright slavish song. There are elements of truest submission in the lyrics, just like in the dynamic of the paid submissive’s reality, and I simply love the song because it is mood music, like so much of Tricky’s work. If you do drugs, I highly recommend this entire album, a dark room, and contemplation. Even if you don’t, get the album anyway, if you like this sort of music. The woman who accompanies him on the song is his former girlfriend, mother of his child, and once-frequent collaborator, Martina Topley-Bird. The youtube version is here.

It's too good, it's too nice
She makes me finish too quick
Is it love? No not love
She turns my sexual trick

She says she's mine, I know she lies
First, I scream, then I cry
Take a second of me
You beckon, I'll bleed
She suffocates me

She suffocates me with suggestion
I asked do you feel the same?
And later on, maybe
I'll tell you my real name
She's so good, she's so bad

You understand, I can't expand
Now I could just kill a man
She's on her knees, I say please
I cross her city lines, she's got brown eyes

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

Forgive and you're forgiven
Kingdom come
Can you wait for yours, I need to taste some
Life's pretty funny, I laugh while she spends my money
She's my freak, I guess I'm weak

You ask what is this?
Mind your business
I pass my idle days with my idle ways
'Til the twelfth of always
She walks my hallways

I keep her warm, but we never kiss
She cuts my slender wrists
Let's waste some more time
I sign the dotted line
A different level, she devil

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

You ask what is this?
Mind your business
I pass my idle days with my idle ways
'Til the twelfth of always
She walks my hallways
I keep her warm but we never kiss

She says I'm weak and immature
But it's cool
I know what money's for
Push comes to shove, her tongue's her favourite weapon on attack
I slap her back, she mostly hates me

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

Can I take off your clothes
Before we go out?
And when you're helpless, I'll scream and shout
We finish everyday, well, anyway

Sixty nine degrees
My head's between your knees
You ask what is this?
Mind your business

It's too good, it's too nice
She makes me finish too quick
Is it love? No not love
She turns my sexual trick

She says she's mine, I know she lies
First, I scream, then I cry
Take a second of me
You beckon, I'll bleed
Take a second of me

I think ahead of you, I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why
I know why the caged bird sings, I know why

Lyrics from: http://www.metrolyrics.com/suffocated-love-lyrics-tricky.html

Music & Female Supremacy: She Belongs to me

This song is close to my heart. My mother has always said that this song reminds her of me, and she has said that all of my life. She says it with a wink and a smile, but she does believe that it is an accurate description of how some think of me. I have a love for Dylan that all lover’s of Dylan have; one that is based on his songwriting skill, but also his apparent ability to understand so many points of view and accurately describe so many things in a way that only a true philosopher and critic of the human race can. The title does (and has always) make me uncomfortable, as it so blatantly describes ownership, but the title is so perfect for this reason, in my opinion.

All I found on youtube was covers of this particular song, so research it on your own time, if you haven't heard it.

She's got everything she needs
She's an artist, she don't look back
She's got everything she needs
She's an artist, she don't look back
She can take the dark out of nighttime
And paint the daytime black.

You will start out standing
Proud to steal her anything she sees
You will start out standing
Proud to steal her anything she sees
But you will wind up peeking through her keyhole
Down upon your knees.

She never stumbles
She's got no place to fall
She never stumbles
She's got no place to fall
She's nobody's child
The Law can't touch her at all.

She wears an Egyptian ring
That sparkles before she speaks
She wears an Egyptian ring
That sparkles before she speaks
She's a hypnotist collector
You are a walking antique.

Bow down to her on Sunday
Salute her when her birthday comes
Bow down to her on Sunday
Salute her when her birthday comes
For Halloween buy her a trumpet
And for Christmas, give her a drum.

Lyrics from: http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Bob-Dylan/She-Belongs-To-Me.html

Music & Female Supremacy: Closer

This is a pop song, and it is much more recent, from about 2008. The singer is also a songwriter and has written a lot of songs for today’s female pop singers, which are considered “women’s anthems.” I find this interesting because a lot of these songs are progressive and tout female supremacy and are written by a man. This song is one of those he wrote and chose to keep for himself, which is telling. Take away the pop music and flair and I find the lyrics to be almost exactly what a male submissive would say. How enticing. I ask that you read the lyrics and then listen to the song, which is here.

*Because of all of the repetition, found in almost all of today’s pop music, I have amended the lyric here (and because one of the lyrics is misquoted).*

Verse 1:
Turn the lights up in this place
And she shines just like a star
And I swear I know her face
I just don’t know who you are
Turn the music up in here
I still hear her loud and clear
Like she’s right there in my ear
Telling me
She wants to own me
To control me
Come closer
Come closer

Chorus:
And I just can’t pull myself away
From the respect I can make
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
And I just can’t bring myself away
But I don’t want to escape
I just can’t stop
I just can’t stop
I just can’t stop
I just can’t stop
I just can’t stop

Verse 2:
I can feel her on my skin
I can taste her on my tongue
Shes the sweetest taste Ive seen
(This is wrong, the lyric is actually “She’s the sweetest taste of sin”)
The more I get the more I want
She wants to own me
Come closer
She says "come closer"

Music & Female Supremacy: Use Me

This is sort of a submissive’s anthem, in my opinion, and is one of my favorite Withers’ song, due to its catchy tune and is lazy way of singing it. I don’t need to add much of a description of this one, as it couldn’t be more clear by its lyrics. I will say that what makes this song special, more special than many of the sort of “How do I love thee” songs, is that Bill makes no pretense to altruism, admitting, gleefully as he does at song’s end, that he is using his love interest in his own selfish way, as much as she is using him. He thumbs his nose at all naysayers as well, knowing that they can’t appreciate the situations he is in. I have attached both the lyrics and a youtube linked version of the song, which you can listen to here.

My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
Ha, ha, but my answer, ha, ha
Yeah, to all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

My brother, sit me right down
And he talked to me, ah-ha
He told me, ah-ha
That I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I-I-I said brother, if you only knew
You'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

Oh sometimes, it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people
And then you act real rude to me
But oh baby, baby, baby, baby
When you love me I can't get enough
I-I and I, wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up

Until you use me up

Talking about you using me
But it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
'Cause I sure am using you
To do the things you do
Ah-ha, to do the things you do

Lyircs from: http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Bill-Withers/Use-Me.html

Fear

Today I took some time to read old messages and received one from a reader and slave-to-be who spoke of how he has yet been unable to give in to the fear that keeps him from fully serving. In my short response I simply said that fear is the basis of the D/s dynamic and certainly the D/s relationship. After sending my note I thought of how true that statement is.

Fear works on both sides. There is perhaps nothing sweeter than a slave cowering in fear after a beating has begun; unrestrained, able to get away if the spirit so moved him, but still standing, kneeling, or laying in submission and divine acceptance of his fate. This is incredible arousing to a Mistress like me, but also, on a deeper level, more satisfying than anything sexual could ever be. Why? Because we can appreciate what it takes to accept punishment and fall into fear in such a submissive way.

But fear is not only punishment-based. Part of what drives a submissive, and certainly a slave, is having a dominant person take responsibility for them on whatever level. As the level of responsibility increases as does the submission and too, the fear. The fear, therefore, is increasingly prevalent and increasingly endured, accepted, desired, and enjoyed. That fear serves to keep the slave in place in more ways that one in that way.

For the Domme, the fear is there too, though perhaps more subtle in nature. The D/s dynamic is symbiotic, after all, with each side giving and taking in essentially equal measure. One side of the Domme’s fear is perhaps more understandable to the “vanilla” crowd, and that is simply the basic fear of an ended relationship, though in the D/s dynamic it is a much more hearty emotion, considering the relationship is deeper and involves more, in my extremely biased opinion, than a long-term “vanilla” relationship. As the relationship endures, more is expected of the slave and the Domme has more to lose should the slave ever leave. Of course, this is unlikely, as it should be harder and harder for the slave to leave as its enslavement develops. Yet, the fear is somewhere there, buried down deep.

As such, fear is everywhere in the D/s relationship, slipping in and out of corners and into crevices. The fear is not a negative thing, however, and truly should be considered a wholesome and appreciated quality in the dynamic. The next time you feel fear, dear readers, embrace it, enjoy it, and welcome it. Get to know it, be satisfied in it, and let it grow….you will find that you will grow in the most delightful ways. Whatever you do, don’t turn away from it, as you will lose the essence of yourself and your life goal of full enslavement.

Religions are based on both fear and worship; you cannot worship without fear.

****Busier than I thought I would be, but it is a delicious sort of busy and I have enjoyed it…More later***