To Be or Not to Be (Chaste).

Last week I was asked by a man who was interested in being a submissive why chastity was so important to subs/slaves. Chastity is one of those things that some subs are extremely interested in and others consider a hard limit. However, chastity is one of the most basic elements of submission, particularly with males [I should add here that when I discuss the topic of submissive people I mean men by default].

The very nature of chastity, or not being in control of one’s sexuality, takes away one of the “rights” we take for granted. Even for the abstinent or virginal person, often masturbation is a way to keep ones sexual urges at bay. Men seem to obsess about sex and their male genitalia more than women, especially when you look at pop culture references about the differences between the sexes/genders. Though this is not completely true, both sexes do their part to keep the stereotype in place. Indeed, men’s sexuality has been celebrated and aligns with the concept of man as conqueror while making sex another way for Women to be subjugated (or conquered).

Enforced chastity, especially when the submissive is male and he does it for a Domme, elaborates that the submissive recognizes the problem with that sort of thinking and is making himself an example of another state of being for men. Subs who use chastity devices – especially full-time – always speak of the deep sense of submission and satisfaction they feel when they are “locked in” and in time often come to rely upon that feeling and begin to feel uncomfortable when left “naked” without their devices. By handing over what “makes them male” to their Domme the subs show that they no longer control that part of themselves and have come to accept that their penises are not meant to simply gain sexual pleasure . Their function of waste disposal is highlighted as often subs find themselves having to make adjustments to how they position their bodies when they urinate and many find it useful to sit while doing it – yet another way to show submission.

A submissive can learn to use their bodies in much more novel ways to give pleasure while they are locked in chastity. They may be allowed to use strap-on sex toys when/if their Domme requires penetration or they may become masters at the art of oral pleasure. They may use other sex toys or be considered a walking sex toy for their Domme and/or whoever She decides they perform for. They will soon begin to listen to the bodies that they service for instruction, concentrate more, and begin to derive pleasure from giving pleasure: a true goal of the submissive and an example of man in his natural state, in my opinion. They may be used as receptacles as well and learn to enjoy receiving a strap-on, dildo, or real penis.

Indeed, prostate pleasure can be effectively explored when the male genitalia is locked away. Instead of the rushed sense of masturbation and even genital sex, males can learn to ejaculate through slow and steady prostate massage, tantric means, and can be trained – over time – to cum on demand; a really neat trick at parties. ;) The male submissive learns to expand his sexual horizons and other erogenous zones may be found on his body that were completely missed in his earlier life. Indeed, a submissive may become extremely orgasmic, even if in a strictly mental sense, after being locked in chastity for a long period. As part of a behavior modification and new submissive training program, chastity can be an awesome tool to help teach correct behaviors and instill certain emotions in a submissive, and as a lifelong/full-time measure can certainly enhance the sexual pleasures of both D and s….and I am getting quite worked up discussing it.

Next week I will discuss the role of the Keyholder and some tips for the successful use of such devices for both parties.